Think it’s boring or too tough to fit in regularly?
Here’s a fun way to play with mindfulness: simply bring all of your senses into really enjoying something you like to do.
Like walking your dog? Next time, play with noticing as much as you can on your walk…. What does your dog’s coat look like? The trees or buildings? What else can you see? What can you smell? (What is your dog smelling?!) What’s the temperature? Is there a breeze? Can you feel the sun or the chill in the air? Is there a scent in the wind of the sea or grass or rain or wet pavment? How many birds can you hear? Cars? What funny noises does your dog make as she’s sniffing around?
Bring all of your senses into whatever you like doing and let yourself be there more fully… You’ll enjoy it even more.
And how lovely that this is a great way to practice mindfulness!
Before my first husband and I divorced we were fighting a lot. At some point I decided to bring my mindfulness practice into our fights and that changed everything!
It was slow, to be sure. It took about 6 months before we stopped fighting, and can you imagine how powerful that was to go from daily fights to none?
Honestly, that was one of the things that made me realize just how powerful presence really is!
You can apply this same simple method to any difficult relatives you’re going to be with this holiday season. Hopefully, you don’t fight daily!
Here’s how: when Uncle Joe is saying whatever awful things he says, be really present with him. Instead of focusing on how he’s wrong and what you’re going to say in return, focus on what he’s saying. Really listen to him.
And notice your breathing at the same time.
This will help him feel heard, which is what he really wants anyway, will help you hear and understand him on a deeper level, and most important will help you stay calm. It may take a few sessions like this, and soon you’ll be able to listen and realize that what ever he’s saying says a lot more about him than what ever he’s talking about.
You’ll realize that you don’t need to take his ideas personally. You’ll see that they aren’t yours and you don’t need to be so reactive. Eventually, you might even be able to respond in a calm and rational way, which while may not help him totally, will be a lot better for you both than what you’ve likely been doing which is probably something like fighting with or ignoring him.
I just read this great article in Mindful Magazine about defining mindfulness. I think that they make some really great points including that mindfulness is the natural ability to be aware of where we are what we’re doing (and when we aren’t we tend to get anxious), that there many different ways to practice it, no belief system is required (nor negated) and that it brings out the best in everyone.
Be in the moment.
And like most people when they discuss mindfulness, I think that they miss a really cogent point that causes a ton of confusion: being in the moment does not mean you stop thinking about the past and future.
Oh contraire.
That is a logical mistake and an important one to correct. (Not that they make it directly, they just imply it and don’t address it.)
We keep hearing and saying, “Be in the moment. In the here and now. Don’t get lost in thought, thinking about the past and future, and lose touch with were you are in the moment.” This I agree with totally.
On the other had mindfulness doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t think about the past and future. We need to learn from the past and consciously create our futures. If we never did these things we’d be aimlessly moving though life, never improving our lives or evolving our selves.
Being conscious while thinking
Mindfulness isn’t about this. Mindfulness isn’t about giving up your ability to think or grow. It’s about doing these things with awareness. The conscious part is what’s important.
Being mindful means that when you think about the past and future you do it with awareness. You’re aware that you’re in the present, the here and now, thinking about another time. It means that you’re conscious about thinking about what happened and what could happen. Simply, you keep in mind the whole time, “I’m sitting here thinking this.”
This is an amazingly important point. And so many people misunderstand it that I’ve discussing it with practically every single client I’ve ever had.
Thinking isn’t the problem
I find this a weird disconnect. Why would the mis-belief that thinking is a problem be so widespread?
I imagine we don’t question it because most of us have a hard time with our thoughts and emotions. We want our busy minds to stop. We see them as the source of our problems, the obstacle to inner peace.
The issue here is that it’s not your thoughts and emotions that are the problem. The problem is that you get lost in them. You abandon yourself to them. And then you believe them.
The good news, my friend, is that they are not your problem. You don’t need to stop them, or calm them, or even make them go away. You just need to be aware of them. You need to be sufficiently conscious of them that you start to see/remember that you are not them.
Practice to realize your truth
This comes with mindfulness practice. As you practice being aware of yourself, of your thoughts and feelings and sensations, you realize little by little and giant leap by giant leap, that you are much bigger than they are.
This isn’t an esoteric idea or some kind of state or place that you have to achieve. This is who you already are. You’re already bigger than they are. You experience this naturally every time you become aware of yourself (example: notice that you’re sitting/standing there reading this and voila, you’re bigger than your body-mind). Simple, huh? Not rocket science.
The only difference between experiencing that as unimportant and experiencing that as evidence that you’re bigger than your thoughts is that you haven’t done it enough. The more you do it, especially being aware of yourself while you’re thinking, the more obvious this becomes.
And most importantly, you need to do it for yourself. You need to find out for yourself whether this is true or not. Definitely don’t believe me. Be the arbiter of your own reality.
Meditation is my power tool for self transformation. It’s the thing that I do that makes all of the other self transformation tools actually work!
Before it, I couldn’t see myself as clearly, which made changing things difficult. With meditation, I can see my patterns, when and why I’m doing them, and that’s invaluable for evolving them.
Meditation isn’t self-transformation in itself. It is self-observation. Self-realization. Self-knowing. That’s invaluable.
If I can see myself, I can change myself. If I cannot see myself, it’s much harder to even know that there’s anything that needs changing!
I’ve practice meditation since 2004 and the changes that it’s helped me make are so compelling that I continue to practice to this day.
Excellent question! One I don’t talk about much, in part because it’s difficult to explain!
Mindfulness is an experience and experiences, by nature are easier to experience than explain. It’s a lot like describing the experience of what an apple tastes like to someone who’s never tasted an apple. I can describe my experience, and how much better it is to just hand you an apple!
Likewise, it’s much easier for me to share the experience with you and have you decide from your experience why to practice mindfulness – or not – than it is for me to describe my experience and have you decide.
So, in this case, I’m going to stop writing and say, watch the video! Have the experience and draw your own conclusions.
I will say, as I do in the video, that mindfulness make my life richer. I’m much more aware of what’s going on inside and outside of me. This awareness adds texture, sound, complexity and vividness that otherwise I would miss.
It also helps me notice my uncomfortable unconscious and/or habitual patterns… and as uncomfortable as that can be (!!!), that knowledge allows me to start changing them. Of course, I use all kinds of other tools to help me change any deep psychological-emotional patterns. Mindfulness (awareness of them) isn’t enough. What mindfulness does allow me to do is recognize that those patterns exist (recognition is an important step!) and notice when they’re happening so that I can apply the tools of change. Mindfulness is the meta-tool that allows all of the other tools to work. It’s a kind of superpower that supercharges everything else.
Test it out. You might like it. If not, there are lots of other ways to evolve!
(video: 10:06; I’ve added subtitles to compensate for the microphone.)
Shoulders up around your ears more often than you’d like? Do you frequently find yourself hunched forward over your computer? Painful? Sore? Stiff?
These poor posture habits can be changed with a little awareness.
This 10-minute yoga practice will bring your attention to your shoulders, soften and gently stretch them. Feels great and the focus on your shoulders is an awareness you can bring into your day to help you change your habits!
You can do this practice at different times for different goals: in the morning to start you say with this awareness, or midday as a wonderful rejuvenating pause, or at the end to gently wind down and release tension.
However you use it, let it help you bring awareness to how you’re sitting at your desk, standing and moving through life. With this growing awareness, you can choose to relax and relieve your shoulder muscles. Overtime, your shoulders will be where they’re serving you best: in a neutral, relaxed position, ready to move in any direction with ease and power!
(video 4:13) Ever really wanted the future to come true because the present didn’t seem as shiny? I’m moving to a new country soon and boy would that be easy! I could focus on all of the things that are “better” there and really ferment dislike for all of the things that I don’t like here. It’s really tempting to think that change is for the better and therefore the present isn’t as good as the future will be…
And does that help you enjoy where you are right now? And if you stay in that mindset, does it help you enjoy the future when the future becomes right now, your present?
(video 3:30m) If Mindfulness Meditation doesn’t take away the things that are bothering me, how does it help? How does noticing what’s bothering me benefit me? I already know how bothered I am! How is paying attention to it going to make things better?
Great questions! Glad you asked.
It does seems counter-intuitive to do something that not only doesn’t fix the bad things, it has you pay attention to them more! The difference is really about perspective or point of view… normally, when we’re realizing that we feel terrible, we’re in the middle of it. We’re believing the thoughts and emotions that we’re having and we think and feel as if they are our whole reality. We’ve forgotten that actually they’re just thoughts and emotions and that they come and go.
Mindfulness offers us another place to notice from, a place that we have access to at all times if we care to be in it – that part of us that is simply aware that we’re here doing what ever we’re doing (thinking and feeling). It’s simply to notice from that state of mind that is always here, available, that can notice what we’re thinking and feeling.
It’s so simple that it is easy to miss. You can access it right now by noticing where you are physically. Notice that you (in your body) are standing or sitting or lying down where ever you are. Notice that you are there and not say, in Paris (unless of course you are and then notice that you’re in Paris and not in London.) That part of you that just noticed that simple fact is the part we’re using in mindfulness.
If you start thinking or feeling things about the place that you’re in, say that you really like the temperature, there’s a part of you that can notice that you’re thinking. There’s a part that can say, “This is me having the thought that I like the temperature.” That’s it. That’s the part of you that we’re accessing. Super simple.
So how does accessing that part help? Well, imagine that you’re really upset about something. Your heart is racing, you’re breathing fast, you’re looking around for someone or something to yell at… you’re in the middle of emotion. What if you could in that moment access that part of you that can say, “Hey, this is me feeling really upset. Wow. This is big! I’m REALLY upset!”
Right in that moment, you have just given yourself a tiny bit of room from the emotion. You’re still feeling it and you’re also aware that it’s not your whole reality. Suddenly, you have choices. “Hm. I wonder what I want to do with this feeling? Do I want to yell at the person in front of me? Or do I want to let them know I’m super upset and need to go outside and vent for a few minutes?”
See how that works?
Yes, it takes practice and commitment to keep practicing, and if you like it it can change your life. In the beginning you might just get to watch yourself yell at the person, which is pretty painful. “Wow, this is me yelling at this person and being a complete jerk. Ouch.” And slowly, we get better and better at being in the mindful place even during stress, and our ability to choose what to do (vs just yelling) gets stronger and stronger.
Enjoy being mindful.
(p.s. If you’re interested, practicing this state actually causes measurable changes in the brain according to studies. Psychologists call it “self-regulation” and neurologists have found that the related part of the brain grows in size. Look for Dr Sara Lazar’s studies on my Links page.)
(video 2:45) We also worked on back and knee flexibility.
Here are a few quick yoga exercises that you can do to regain flexibility in your back and knees.
Here is how I see these exercises working best for your body: If you have back or knee issues, for each movement only bend or stretch as far as feels good. If you do these exercises with out straining yourself (stopping your bend or stretch BEFORE it hurts) you will allow your body (muscles and joints) to relax and loosen. You will find that as we repeat each exercise you will naturally be able to bend or stretch a tiny bit more each time, eventually regaining your natural flexibility in that area. Celebrate each centimeter of improved flexibility!
If instead you push your body into the pain zone as you do these movements, your muscles will tense up to protect your body. You will not relax or loosen, and you will not regain flexibility. You will remain stiff. At best you will keep your injuries in place and at worst you could injure yourself more.
Of course, you may not agree with me, and you are welcome to use these exercises in the way is best for you. Whatever you do, enjoy being bendy!
This summer, I had the pleasure of sharing yoga with several lovely humans new to it. Over the course of the week, we slowly built up to doing a Sun Salutation… and here it is.
Note on breathing: There are many, many schools of thought in yoga on how to breathe. For me, the most important part is that you connect your breathing with your movements, meaning that you time your movements to your breath. Whether you’re breathing in or out during a certain movement isn’t as important as that the movement starts when your breath starts. As you begin to breathe in (or out) you begin a movement. Then as you begin to breathe out (or in) you begin the next movement.
