practice

Grief and Co-Creating

Grief

I’ve been wondering what to share… am I up for sharing? Is the inner work too cloudy to share on the out side?

We had a death in the family on 8 April. By the time this goes out, we will be in full swing, celebrating the un-timely, peaceful death of my beloved brother at 64yo.

It’s been devastating.
After my nephew told me over the phone, I sat down where I was and started crying.
That went on for a few days.
Even on trail runs, stopping and sitting down on the ground to just weep. Sadness.

When I connect with him I get expansion, freedom, relief. He’s not in chronic pain anymore. This feels wonderful.

We’re not doing so well. It was unexpected. And thus shocking.
I’m better and better as the days pass, as I process the grief and the shock.

And as you can imagine, that’s sparked A LOT of meditation.
Exactly the process that I briefly shared last time. In fact, I finished sharing that process hours before I found out… and dove into it heavily.
Sacred synchronicities.
Makes me smile.

One thing I wasn’t expecting: the grief is making everything else harder.
Seems obvious when I think about it.
It is certainly obvious now. :)

Interestingly, doing sessions has been easy.
The timing of them has been so perfect that they’re benefiting from my increased immersion in the subtle realms.
More sacred synchronicity.

Co-Creating with Reality

A big learning I’m getting from all of this intense practice, is the importance of present moment co-creation.
Super simple.
In any given moment, I just silently ask everything around me, “How can we best co-create this moment together?”
Super profound.

The point is to take whatever is going on, start from here, from where we are, and co-create from here… even if it’s super shite and you really don’t want your brother to be dead.
“How can we take what IS, right here and now, and co-create something beautiful? (or joyful, fulfilling, calming, exciting, restful, or whatever)
It can be really general.
Or specific.

And let that happen, co-create that happening… more consciously.

I’ve been asking for meaning a lot lately.
I hit that existential piece of my personal transformation spiral that asks, “What the hell is the point of me being here?”

And part of swirling around in that particular eddy was this deeper relationships with co-creating. Was realizing that I could be really intentional with it, that I can get clear about my desires and put them out as requests to myself and the universe around me. So, in the middle of this existential crisis, I focused on a very helpful intention, “Help me co-create a deeper knowing of what I am offering here (on this plane, in this time-space).”
Help me co-create meaning, something that makes all of this pain worthwhile.

Co-Creating When Things Suck

The spiritual ninja moves here are to first start where you are: accept, breathe in, settle in. Become as fully conscious as you can be of what is here now. Inside and out. And relax into the being-ness of it.
It is what is.
To help with this, ask yourself, “What am I co-creating right now?” Feel into the answer. On as many levels and layers as you’re able.

No one is saying you have to like it!!
But if you start from what’s actually happening, then you can create based on reality, versus trying to create something new out of something that doesn’t exist to begin with...
See the challenge here?
Starting from, “I want to co-create my brother being alive,” while being a normal stage of loss, probably isn’t the best way to co-create present moment happiness…
Start where you are.
Not always easy!
Extremely useful.

Second, whatever your intention, be open to unfolding it together in ways that you don’t expect. To re-tool a Paul Simon lyric, hold it in the open palm of desire. Give your intention room to grow into something: to move around, to shift, to morph to blossom into something new.
Otherwise, you don’t allow life to happen. You don’t allow all of the other co-creating that’s happening to flow and meld with yours… embellishing it with growth and expansion and freshness.
And more importantly, if you don’t, if you insist on only accepting what you have constructed in your mind as acceptable (which is inevitably based on your past experiences – and thus very limited), you will be unhappy with what is becoming.

These two things are both challenging as biological beings.
Our beautiful bodies crave comfort and safety.
One of the tricks here is to lean into accepting what is as safer than living in the clouds. If for no other reason than I can protect myself better if I see the tsunami in front of me than if I close my eyes and pretend that it is not roaring straight towards me. Fight, flight and freeze are perfectly acceptable reactions to stress in the short term, but living and creating from them leads to all kinds of problems.

Another trick is to realize that no matter how much I want something, my desire is only a part of the co-creation. No matter how much I want something to be exactly a certain way, I’m going to be disappointed. You’ll know this from your own life, that practically nothing turns out exactly how you imagined it, so on a purely practical level, it’s better to assume change than to cling on sameness. And now, this fits neatly into the same vein as the trick above, realizing that change is a part of what is, and accepting that things will be different as time moves on, is actually a safer strategy than wanting them to be like the past or wanting them to fit exactly into your expectations. Your eyes stay open, you will be safer.

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.” Brené Brown

Co-Creation Practice

Here’s how I’ve been practicing this.
I start where I am, whatever I’m co-creating now. (Lot’s of sorrow in my case.)
And I relax and am as conscious of as much of it as I can be…
Breathe.
Breathe here.

From here, I set my new intention based on the information that I have about what is and what isn’t working for me. I ask myrself and the Universe, to co-create that, and I am as open as I can be to co-creating what wants to unfold.
I assume that whatever happens is information about me and my relationship with my environment,
and that this too shall pass.

I keep iterating.
In fact I have to keep iterating.
As we know, we’re co-creating constantly, with more or less consciousness about it.
Again, it’s helpful to let ourselves LEARN and evolve our ideas, vs getting stuck because we want things to be the way we thought they should…

If you do this right now,
if you take a really conscious breath and open up as fully as possible to recognizing what is for you right now (mentally, emotionally, physically, etc.),
and then form an intention of what you would like to be,
and holding that intention in your open palm of desire, expecting to be surprised at what bubbles up,
then silently pose the question: “How can we co-create this?”

… how does that feel?
And how does that change how you co-create?

My hope is that this sparks new ways to play with how you uniquely co-create your life.

May you navigate with increasing ease, and may your tsunamis be full of joy.
Elena

I forgot to practice!

(4m46s video, 1m40s text)

How many times has that happened?!

All of a sudden you realize that you forgot to practice today… or this week, or for the last month or year.

That’s not a fun moment.
It feels bad. You haven’t done something that you know is good for you, that helps you feel great and keeps you sane.
There’s a moment of painful emotions, for me a mix of guilt, shame, frustration, anger, sadness.

Continue reading →

Stop Learning From the Past?

I just read this great article in Mindful Magazine about defining mindfulness. I think that they make some really great points including that mindfulness is the natural ability to be aware of where we are what we’re doing (and when we aren’t we tend to get anxious), that there many different ways to practice it, no belief system is required (nor negated) and that it brings out the best in everyone.

Be in the moment.

And like most people when they discuss mindfulness, I think that they miss a really cogent point that causes a ton of confusion: being in the moment does not mean you stop thinking about the past and future.

Oh contraire.

That is a logical mistake and an important one to correct. (Not that they make it directly, they just imply it and don’t address it.)

We keep hearing and saying, “Be in the moment. In the here and now. Don’t get lost in thought, thinking about the past and future, and lose touch with were you are in the moment.” This I agree with totally.

On the other had mindfulness doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t think about the past and future. We need to learn from the past and consciously create our futures. If we never did these things we’d be aimlessly moving though life, never improving our lives or evolving our selves. 

Being conscious while thinking

Mindfulness isn’t about this. Mindfulness isn’t about giving up your ability to think or grow. It’s about doing these things with awareness. The conscious part is what’s important. 

Being mindful means that when you think about the past and future you do it with awareness. You’re aware that you’re in the present, the here and now, thinking about another time. It means that you’re conscious about thinking about what happened and what could happen. Simply, you keep in mind the whole time, “I’m sitting here thinking this.”

This is an amazingly important point. And so many people misunderstand  it that I’ve discussing it with practically every single client I’ve ever had.

Thinking isn’t the problem

I find this a weird disconnect. Why would the mis-belief that thinking is a problem be so widespread?

I imagine we don’t question it because most of us have a hard time with our thoughts and emotions. We want our busy minds to stop. We see them as the source of our problems, the obstacle to inner peace. 

The issue here is that it’s not your thoughts and emotions that are the problem. The problem is that you get lost in them.  You abandon yourself to them. And then you believe them. 

The good news, my friend, is that they are not your problem. You don’t need to stop them, or calm them, or even make them go away. You just need to be aware of them. You need to be sufficiently conscious of them that you start to see/remember that you are not them. 

Practice to realize your truth

This comes with mindfulness practice. As you practice being aware of yourself, of your thoughts and feelings and sensations, you realize little by little and giant leap by giant leap, that you are much bigger than they are.

This isn’t an esoteric idea or some kind of state or place that you have to achieve.  This is who you already are. You’re already bigger than they are. You experience this naturally every time you become aware of yourself (example: notice that you’re sitting/standing there reading this and voila, you’re bigger than your body-mind).  Simple, huh? Not rocket science.

The only difference between experiencing that as unimportant and experiencing that as evidence that you’re bigger than your thoughts is that you haven’t done it enough. The more you do it, especially being aware of yourself while you’re thinking, the more obvious this becomes. 

And most importantly, you need to do it for yourself. You need to find out for yourself whether this is true or not. Definitely don’t believe me. Be the arbiter of your own reality.

Sensational Emotions Mindfulness Practice

MME Album Art(meditation: 5:48 min) This meditation builds on the meditation called Sensational Awareness. Once you’re good at focusing on an area of sensation in the body, this practice adds noticing the emotions as well. It is very similar to Emotional Awareness (I even called it that in the recording), and the difference is that this one uses sensation as the starting point whereas Emotional Awareness focuses solely on emotions. This practice, Sensational Emotions, is a good bridge between the two.

Instructions:

Begin by getting into position, whatever position works best for your body. This position will become your body-mind’s signal that you are starting a practice. I suggest the following:

  • Sit on a chair (sofa, bed, etc) with your feet flat on the floor. Rest your hands in your lap. Feel your sit bones pressing down. Float the crown of your head up so that it softly lifts your torso into alignment. Let your back body be a bit firm to maintain this posture and your front body be soft and relaxed.
  1. Take a moment and look around you to ground yourself in the space you’re in (be/become aware of where you are).
  2. Close your eyes and bring your attention to your breath. Feel the sensations of breathing for a few breaths. This will help you be/become aware of your body.
  3. Find an area in your body that feels a bit tense or stiff, an area that feels “charged” to you – an area that might have an emotional component to it. If you aren’t sure, simply focus on the first area you notice that has strong sensation.
  4. Now notice the qualities of the area, as if you were a scientist studying it’s properties. You’ll take time to notice qualitative “facts” about it versus thinking about why it’s like this or that. In other words, you’re going to notice it’s properties and not the who, what and why of it. You’re going to notice “It’s as big as my shoulder,” and not “my shoulder hurts because I’ve been exercising too hard.” Notice things like how big it is (where are the edges?)? How dense? How sharp/dull. What texture? If you could see it what color would it be? Etc.
  5. As you’re noticing the area, you may notice emotions that are related to this area. Do the same with them, and simply examine their qualities, too. Notice things like how sharp or dull is the emotion? How dense is it? If it had a color what color would it be? Etc.
  6. Keeping most of your attention on this area, let other thoughts, sensations and emotions float through the background like passing clouds.
  7. If you find that your attention has become absorbed in something else and you’re no longer noticing the sensations in the area, gently bring your attention back to the area you’ve chosen.
  8. When you feel ready or when your timer rings, end the practice by bringing your attention back to your breath for a few breaths and then gently opening your eyes.

 

To Download:

Click on the Download button below.

If it does not download automatically:

  1. A new window will open with an audio player (like the player above).
  2. Right click on the player and choose “Download File” or “Download Video”
  3. iPhone users will want to first copy the meditation into iTunes (on your computer) and then sync with your iPhone.

Note that you are welcome to download and share this files as many times as you like provided you do so in it’s entirety and it is used for personal or educational use only (no commercial uses).

 

Why is it important to practice mindfulness regularly?

(video: 5:31 min) Does mindfulness ever become permanent? Will I ever be mindful all the time with out having to practice it regularly?

Well yes. And no.
Yes in that you can reach a stage where mindfulness is something you’re doing all of the time, as a behavior, a habit or an state of being.

And no in that until it becomes an ingrained habit, you need to keep reinforcing the behavior by practicing it!

Why? Because your brain learns and changes based on your behaviors. What you do today is changing your brain. You’re either creating & maintaining neurological structures for mindfulness today or you’re creating structures for something else.

Thanks to Dr Lara Boyd on TEDxVancouver for making the relationship between our daily behaviors and our brain so clear.

Sensational Awareness – Guided Meditation

MME Album Art(meditation: 8:51 min)

Ever thought, “Uh! I wish I hadn’t said that!!”

Americans like to call this putting your foot in your mouth. Sometimes I put my whole leg in! Open mouth, insert leg. Yikes!

One of the beauties of meditation is that I don’t do this so often anymore. Meditation helps me be more aware of what I’m thinking and feeling… so that I have a moment to decide whether to say something before it pops out of my mouth.

Instead of being lost in my thoughts or overwhelmed by my feelings, I cultivate a perspective (called presence) that lets me see the difference between me and them. I stay aware that I am bigger than my thoughts. I am like a container for them. They are still very much here in me, they are just a PART of me versus taking over me.

This subtle and powerful change in perspective makes all the difference.

I do not get so overwhelmed because they do not fill my entire world. I do not get so lost in them because I see the whole map now.

Make sense? Probably not. If you are like most people this is at best a crazy sounding conceptual theory that doesn’t realate to your experience of reality. I clearly remember thinking this myself. “What the heck does that mean, ‘I am not my thoughts’?

So, how to go from wacky sounding theory to part of your reality?

Experience it yourself!

Below is a practice to help you experience this with sensation, the easiest of the three (thoughts, emotions, sensations). You will happily discover that you do this already (you are present quite often), quite naturally… And now you know how to cultivate it.

Note that if this is the first time you’ve experienced meditation, this isn’t the easiest place to start! I recommend starting with something simple to get the mechanics down first like 3 Breaths.

Happy sensing!

Mindfulness Practice: Sensational Awareness

  1. Start by becoming present to the location you are in: look around at what you can see right now.
  2. Close your eyes and gently shift your attention to your breathing. Notice your breath moving in and out of your body right now. Be curious about your breath. “How am I breathing right now?”
  3. Find a place in your body that has a strong sensation to focus on. Often it is easiest to feel a place that is painful or stiff, or chose a place that feels very fluid and nice. Anywhere is fine, as long as there is sensation that is easy to feel there.
    1. Shift your attention away from your breath and to the area you have chosen with the strong sensation.
    2. Remembering that you are the one feeling the sensation (“I am feeling/sensing.”), be curious about the qualities of the sensation. Notice as much as you can about how it feels. (You can notice qualities like: big/small, intense/soft, rough/smooth, sharp/dull, pulsing/constant, dense/open, etc.)
    3. As much as you can feel it and don’t go into the story about why you are sensing it. Cultivate being curious about feeling the sensations versus thinking about why you feel this way and what you can do to avoid (or repeat) it in the future.
  4. When you feel complete, shift your attention back to your breath. Notice your breath moving in and out of your body.
  5. When you’re ready, open your eyes to end the practice, noticing the space that you’re in right now.

When your mind wanders, as it inevitably will, gently bring it back first to presence by noticing your breath and the quiet between thoughts, and then re-focus on the heart of the practice.

 

To Download:

Click on the Download button below.

If it does not download automatically:

  1. A new window will open with an audio player (like the player above).
  2. Right click on the player and choose “Download File” or “Download Video”
  3. iPhone users will want to first copy the meditation into iTunes (on your computer) and then sync with your iPhone.

Note that you are welcome to download and share this files as many times as you like provided you do so in it’s entirety and it is used for personal or educational use only (no commercial uses).

 

How to make your meditation practice fun.

To make anything you do more fun, like meditation or working on a project, add in elements of things you like! Add music, go to a beautiful place or dance while you work.

Not sure how to do this last one? Get creative! I have a high counter that I work at that allows me to move.

Here’s to us all having even more fun this new year!

Warmly,
Elena Maria Foucher

Portable Practice 4: Field of Sound (Guided Meditation)

MME Album Art

Welcome to the Mindfulness Made Easy Portable Practices. In the Mindfulness Made Easy course I teach simple and quick practices that you can do anywhere and anytime.

This is the fourth portable practice that I teach in the course, Field of Sound. This practice is great for those of you who prefer audio or sound focuses.

It’s your’s to listen to, download and share as many times as you like for personal, non-commercial use.

Enjoy!,

Elena

To Listen: Click play to listen on this page.

 

To Download:

Click on the Download button below

If it does not download automatically:

  1. A new window will open with an audio player (like the player above).
  2. Right click on the player and choose “Download File” or “Download Video”
  3. iPhone users will want to first copy the meditation into iTunes (on your computer) and then sync with your iPhone.

 

Portable Practice 1: Three Breaths Meditation

MME Album Art

Welcome to the Mindfulness Made Easy Portable Practices.

In the Mindfulness Made Easy course I teach quick and easy practices that you can do anywhere and anytime.

This is the first portable practice that I teach in the course. It’s called Three Breaths.

It’s your’s to listen to, download and share as many times as you like for personal, non-commercial use only.

Enjoy!,

Elena

 

To Listen: Click play to listen on this page.

 

To Download:

Click on the Download button below

If it does not download automatically:

  1. A new window will open with an audio player (like the player above).
  2. Right click on the player and choose “Download File” or “Download Video”
  3. iPhone users will want to first copy the meditation into iTunes (on your computer) and then sync with your iPhone.