Hello, Beautiful Souls.
You’re on your path, you’re doing the work, you’re on your healing journey… and you’re getting better.
Or at least you think you’re getting better…
But how can you be sure?
How do you know if you’re actually improving, or just kidding yourself?
This is a great question.
If you’re on a big journey, tacking big hairy things, it’s good to know if you’re making progress…. if you’re just spinning your wheels, or if you’re getting traction. And it’s especially comforting to know if you’ve just turned a BIG corner.
I have 3 suggestions for tracking your progress that I find really useful. Most of us will prefer one or another, so feel into what fits you on your current path.
Let’s start with the simplest one:
1: Noticing When Things Get Easier
Sometimes it’s really easy to tell when you’re making progress, like when you’re moving through life and things that were bothering you before are not bothering you anymore. That’s a wonderful sign.
When I lived in Thailand, and first started meditating in 2003, I was about six months into a beautiful moving practice, and though I didn’t know what it was going to help me with specifically, I knew that meditation was going to make my life better somehow. One day we were at a little local restaurant, and in my very rudimentary Thai, I ordered dinner, and as sometimes happened, I received the wrong thing: not at all what I ordered.
This was usually really frustrating, because I always felt like I had done my part…
…and couldn’t they just ask me a question?
Confirm what they heard?
Look at my finger pointing at the menu?
Something, anything to indicate they didn’t understand?!!!!
No.
Obviously, not.
So my order would arrive, and with a big smile they would put whatever I didn’t order in front of me and walk away.
So frustrating! I never said anything, partly because we’d reached the limit of my Thai with “crispy pork and dark greens on rice,’ and partly because I wasn’t sure what the socially acceptable thing to do was. So I sat seething, and ate whatever came. Not fun.
But on this day, the wrong order arrived, and I didn’t get so upset.
Whaaaa?! That’s weird.
I wasn’t happy about it, but I didn’t get overtaken by anger.
I remember sitting there and having a whole thought process about why I felt calm vs immediately launching into anger and shooting daggers at the server.
This was really different. Noticeable.
And, that was the moment that I realized that my new born meditation practice was actually helping me. Healing was happening. Sweet!
(Later, as I began to understand Thai culture, I understood that it was a form of politeness to not question me. Oh. Right. Oops.)
That’s an obvious moment when healing has happened, and a good way to track healing: simply noticing if your normal response triggers are changing. As you’re moving through life, things that normally would upset you, are they upsetting you less? or differently?
Am I less upset right now than I usually would be?
Am I less angry, sad, ashamed, doubtful, frightened, etc.?
Do I feel slightly better right now than in the past?
Am I able to be more conscious of myself? Less overwhelmed by emotion?
Am I able to breathe through this a little more?
Am I going through my normal reactions or is anything different? Am I able to be a little kinder to myself? Am I able to be a little kinder to the people involved?
So, first, it’s simply noticing as much as you can about how you’re doing. Simply noticing the situations as they’re arising in your life. And making comparisons between what you’re experiencing now vs the past: has anything changed for the better?
2: Journaling, Dancing or Drawing
The second method, that’s really useful, though I hate doing it, is journaling.
Journaling is one of those things that every time I’ve been on a big healing journey and I’ve journaled, I’m always super glad I’ve done it. I just find it hard to motivate to do it. What can I say? But for big journeys, long or difficult things, I highly recommend it.
Why?
Because you’ll be able to see how you change over time based on what you write. It’s glorious. It’s all there in black and white. You’re literally documenting change.
And specifically writing: pen to paper vs typing, voice recording or videoing, because there’s a kinesthetic connection that happens between hand, eye, and brain that gives your system a different way to interact with the information that you’re writing down. You literally think about it differently. Yes, the other ways are also good for simply recording what’s happening, which is useful for tracking change in general, but you’re missing the kinesthetic connection.
On the other hand, dancing would offer an even better kinesthetic connection than writing, you’d just need to video it to turn it into a record, or again write about it or do something to be able to remember it over time in order to use is as a tracking method. Moving your body has other really powerful benefits if you open to feeling the emotions and let them move through and release from your body as you do it. This is a whole healing journey in itself and can also add a lot to any other methods you’re using.
And drawing your experiences would also work perfectly, if you’re good at connecting to your drawings over time – if you can look at them and remember what they were about. Consider writing a few words on the back about them, and the date to help your make the associations. This is super fun if you like drawing… get fun colors or papers that are inviting and enjoy the process.
What should you write (draw or dance)?
Very simple: just write your experience. Write what you’re thinking about and how you’re feeling in situations that relate to what you’re healing.
For me, when I work with anger, I would write how I feel about anger.
How am I interacting with it?
What recent situations really made me angry?
How did I feel in them?
How did I react?
How much is good to write?
Write a few words or phrases if you want to keep it short or whole pages if you get into it.
The amount that you write each time isn’t as important as that you give yourself a sense of what’s going on inside of you. You want to be able to look back at what you wrote a month ago and be able to see if you feel any different… are you reacting to the same situations differently? Are you feeling different about the people, places and situations now than you did then?
When I look back at my entries from a month ago, I see, “Wow, this is not the same. I don’t feel as angry now when I get the wrong order. Great! Progress!”
An additional why…
Another thing you start to notice are the wisdoms that are coming through you, “Wow, that’s actually that’s pretty good. I will remember that!” There’ll be little nuggets sprinkled throughout that will be helpful. “I’m going to take this thought I had, this powerful word, this golden nugget that I wrote, and next time this happens, it’s going to help me.”
Journaling, drawing or dancing are a excellent ways to track progress over time, and to keep in mind the wisdoms that you’re gaining along the path.
3: Checking In With A Good Friend
The third method, which is a little trickier than the first two, is to talk to someone regularly over the course of your journey.
Why trickier?
Because a combination of things need to happen…
You need to feel safe enough to be honest with them.
They need to be wise or experienced enough that you can tell them what’s going on with you, and they’re not triggered by it.
From that calm place, they need to be able to honestly feed back what they think and feel.
It’s best if they don’t try to heal or coaching you, because this will change their perspective on you. It’s more that they are being a benchmark for you, they will notice how you’re talking about it differently and you will hear yourself saying it to them differently.
Someone who can say, “Hey, you’re talking about anger really differently now than you were a month ago. You were saying this, this and this and now you’re saying that, that and that.”
“True! Thanks for noticing that.”
Now you’ve got 3 ways to track if you’re really healing…
First, noticing yourself: notice your triggers or stimuluses, the things that would normally really get you, how you’re reacting to those and if that changing.
Second, journaling (drawing or dancing): seeing the changes over time in what you write. Write them as little or as often as you want. Can be quick, can be long, doesn’t matter. Just do it enough that you can see what’s happening. Also, this is great because you keep your little nuggets handy. Very nice.
Third, talking to someone whom you trust and who is not going to be freaked out and triggered by what you’re saying, and who’s not going to try and fix you.
Using any one of these, or a combination of them, can help you track your progress over time. If you’re improving, great, keep going. If you bottom out for a while or plateau for a while, it’s likely time to change tactics. Find something different to do, and track that progress. Soon you’ll know if you’re spinning your wheels or if you’re right on track.
Enjoy,
Eléna