Except that yesterday morning, as I launched into that habit, I paused for a moment and checked in, “Why am I doing this? I’m not even fully awake yet!” I realized that I was planning my whole day without seeing how I was feeling first. I was making a whole list of decisions without knowing what I was ready for… I was planning my day with a sense of urgency, and no sense of self awareness.

Wow. Ok.
Then I realized that I railroad myself into tasks like this every morning. Goodness.

Why? What need am I filling here? And is there something better I can do to fill it?
(These are great questions to ask when working with any pattern, especially challenging addictions like blame/shame, smoking, etc. We do them for good reasons, so we need to understand what those are in order to fill the needs with something healthier)

An unconscious pattern unfolded for me… I realized I wasn’t feeling good in my body, which is true most mornings because I generally wake up feeling tired, and instead of laying there in the “ughhhhhh,” I start reaching for what I’m going to do today. That way I avoid focusing on how bad I feel. The need here is to feel better!

This was really helpful.
It allowed me to take a few minutes to stretch and breathe and improve my overall sense of wellbeing, so I started the day feeling great versus rushed.

So, the question for you is, what do you do as you’re waking up?
This is an excellent moment to pause, notice if you’re running any unconscious patterns that aren’t so helpful, and ask, “What’s the need here?”

Pause When Reaching For A Distraction

This is a big one for most of us. The first one got me thinking about patterns, and not long after a really obvious pattern popped up: distracting myself with food. Some people like to distract themselves with social media (I join them at night!). During the work day, I like to distract myself with snacks.

So the first time I got up from my desk to go get a little something, I paused and asked, “Why am I doing this? What need am I filling here?”

I realized, yet again, that I didn’t feel good. Eating or drinking something tasty was a way to feel better.
So then it was, ok, what are some ways I can feel better?
Well, what’s the source of the bad feeling? Am I bored? No. (If yes, how can I make this task more fun?)
Stressed by what I’m working on? No. (If yes, how can I bring some ease into this task?)
Am I upset, scared or otherwise emotionally uncomfortable? No. (If yes, how can I help myself calm down?)
Turns out, I really needed some water! LOL.
I’m sure it’s often one of the other reasons, so I’ll keep doing this today and see how it goes.

Pause Tips

In order to pause before we launch an unconscious pattern, we need to bring some conscious decision making into the mix. How to be conscious of something we’re not conscious of? Great question.

The usual way to do this is with visual cues like ribbons, sticky notes or notebooks.

If you want to play with pausing in the morning, put something next to your bed like a ribbon on your bedside lamp or a sticky note on the wall that you’ll see as you open your eyes. Use that to remind you to pause and check-in before you launch. Alternately, a notebook on your bedside table as a reminder has the added advantage that you can write down your reflections each morning, plus any dreams you want to record.

If you want to play with pausing before you reach for a distraction, put a ribbon on it: on your tea cup, the refrigerator, your phone, your cigarettes, etc.. Let the ribbon or sticky note remind you to pause and check-in. What do I need right now? Again, a notebook as reminder has the added function of providing a place to track the what’s happening overall. What tasks or situations or times of day inspire you to reach for distraction? What are the needs? What helps quench them? And as you see the patterns, how can you tweak your day to make tasks and rest more satisfying (so you’re not wanting to distract in the first place).

Ninja Level Bonus: Pause When Angry

This one needs little explanation, though it’s challenging to do! As you can imagine, when you’re feeling angry, you can pause in the middle of that and check-in: what am I needing here?

Anger can be really helpful, as it’s gives us a lot of powerful energy in the moment. Sometimes, that’s really useful, like when you need to get out of harms way. The rest of the time, we’re often reacting to some past hurt… hello unconscious painful pattern. Patterns that involve anger can be really destructive, especially if we direct that powerful energy at someone else or ourselves. This is a great time to do a pattern interrupt.

How to do this one? When you notice that you’re angry, it’s actually easier to hit pause via the body than the mind. There’s a simple thing you can do which is to start lengthening your exhale. As soon as you notice you’re angry (Congratulations! You’ve just gotten more conscious!), invite the next exhale to be a little longer and just notice the response. Keep inviting and noticing in this fairly passive way, and watch your nervous system calm down from whatever fight or flight response was triggered. This passive focus allows the body to calm down at it’s own speed, without feeling pressured, and works better for me than trying to force it.

This one is not so easy, and yet, it’s a great way to play with pausing painful patterns.

If you have any suggestions for this one, or you have a different way to gently interrupt your anger, I would love to know!

Have a wonderful day, and enjoy playing with the pause.,

Elena