Before my first husband and I divorced we were fighting a lot. At some point I decided to bring my mindfulness practice into our fights and that changed everything!

It was slow, to be sure. It took about 6 months before we stopped fighting, and can you imagine how powerful that was to go from daily fights to none?

Honestly, that was one of the things that made me realize just how powerful presence really is!

You can apply this same simple method to any difficult relatives you’re going to be with this holiday season. Hopefully, you don’t fight daily!

Here’s how: when Uncle Joe is saying whatever awful things he says, be really present with him. Instead of focusing on how he’s wrong and what you’re going to say in return, focus on what he’s saying. Really listen to him.

And notice your breathing at the same time.

This will help him feel heard, which is what he really wants anyway, will help you hear and understand him on a deeper level, and most important will help you stay calm. It may take a few sessions like this, and soon you’ll be able to listen and realize that what ever he’s saying says a lot more about him than what ever he’s talking about.

You’ll realize that you don’t need to take his ideas personally. You’ll see that they aren’t yours and you don’t need to be so reactive. Eventually, you might even be able to respond in a calm and rational way, which while may not help him totally, will be a lot better for you both than what you’ve likely been doing which is probably something like fighting with or ignoring him.

Try it out and see what you think and feel.