Hello Beautiful Souls.

Ah, those inner voices that bully us into submission… like the inner critic that says, “You’re stupid for being worried! There’s nothing to worry about!” Those voices are really challenging to deal with and I feel like sometimes we don’t realize that they are actually part of the package that needs healing…
Yes, the parts of us that are worried unnecessarily need healing, but so does the critic! And that can be tricky to realize when the critic sounds so reasonable…

A friend of mine was really worried about being sick. She felt like she was starting down hypochondriac street… Understandably, she had those usual thoughts, “This is so stupid! I am so dumb for being this scared of getting sick. I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I’m perfectly healthy, and with this much worry, I’m going to make myself sick!”

It’s true.
It’s rational.
She’s fine, so she shouldn’t be so scared of getting sick.
This voice makes sense.

So we believe the voice. In the midst of irrational fear, this voice is the only thing being rational.
And yet what we’re not seeing is that this voice, this inner critic, is also scared.
It sounds reasonable, like it’s got your back, but if you listen closely, you’ll notice that it’s doing it like a bully would… it’s being mean.
It’s telling you you’re stupid.
It’s not compassionate or loving.
It’s beating you up for your fears.
It’s saying, “Stop doing this, you idiot!”

In fact this critic develops along with the original trauma.
When my friend was young and first got scared of being sick, she also developed this critic as a way to keep from being sick. This critic is as much a part of the trauma as the fear of being sick is.

What we don’t seeing is that this voice also needs to be healed.
Yes, it’s working to protect us, but it’s a scared bully.

Instead of listening to this reasonable sounding bully, remember that the bully is just scared.

If you’re telling yourself how stupid you are, take a breath. This is not a great way to get out of fear.
Instead, be kind to the critic. Recognize that you’ve got two things happening here, first, the fear of being sick, and second, a scared critic who’s doing it’s best to protect you by beating you up.
Both of these are going to benefit from your love and compassion.

Next time you’re telling yourself you’re stupid, take a breath, and remember that that’s not a helpful road to go down. Find a calm space inside by centering or grounding, or otherwise resourcing yourself.

Pull your attention back into your wisdom,
from where you can watch the storm swirling around you;
from where you contain the storm vs it overwhelming you.

From there you can say, “You know what, dear protecter? I love you, too. Thank you for doing your best to help me.”

From here healing can happen.
You can lean into supporting yourself through your fears instead of endlessly beating yourself up for having them. Such a relief.

And best of all?
Eventually, that protector can relax out of critical bully mode and into wise helper mode.
Much nicer all around.

Enjoy,
Eléna