calming the mind

Make no decisions when you’re afraid

Mortal fear shifts us into a neurological state commonly called ‘fight, flight or freeze’. The autonomic nervous system takes over in milliseconds making significant bio-chemical shifts (dumping out cortisol, adrenaline, changing systemic blood flows, etc.) one of which is preferring the hind brain for instant decision making… this mental speed comes at the cost of complexity as it’s largely binary. It’s as intelligent as yes/no or more likely run/fight. This is perfect if the danger is an incoming train or a burning house, but not great for complex social, economic or political decisions.

There’s a lot of fear floating around these days and what’s been helping me is to recognize when I’m in fear and NOT make decisions from it. This is where my self-awareness practices come in handy! I acknowledge the fear and let it pass before doing or saying what ever seemed like a good idea in that binary state… Usually I’m thankful I did.

I’m encouraging you to also recognize when you’re in fear – you likely have a lot of opportunities these days – and let it pass before making any decisions. Wait for your whole brain to come back online, giving yourself to make the best decisions possible.

You’ll likely be thankful you did. As will your family, friends, community and world. Certainly, I’m rooting for you!

May we all move through these things with grace and wisdom, health and happiness.
Much Love, Elena

How to Get Better at Mindfulness

If your goal for mindfulness practice is to be more mindful (present, aware, conscious), then the first thing to remember is that good or bad practice isn’t defined by how calm your mind or emotions are.

What?!

I know. Most of us fall into that trap of thinking a calm mind means we’re having a good practice and a busy mind means bad practice.

It’s tricky because there’s a lot of (mis)information out there that says the goal of mindfulness practice is to calm your mind. And, of course, then you naturally think that should be calming your mind when you practice. Calm mind = good practice. Busy mind = bad practice.

Frankly, it’d just not true. The goal is awareness. Not a calm mind.  (Realize: Your mind can be totally crazy and you can be aware of it.)

Then it get’s even trickier!:
One of the side effects of mindfulness practice is a calm mind. And the more we practice, the more it happens.

AND it’s so enjoyable when it happens that we can start to make it the goal.

The problem is that it’s an unreachable goal, so if you start to make it your goal you will fail. Why? Because it’s your mind creating this as a goal. Your mind thinks it wants to calm itself, and this is a thought. The mind cannot calm thoughts with more thoughts. It’s sort of like fire trying to put itself out with more fire. Yikes.

What does work is to notice your thoughts, notice “I’m thinking.” By noticing your thoughts, you stop adding to them, you stop fueling the fire and it naturally calms down. This is because the part of you that notices your thoughts is actually larger than, or outside of, your mind. By practicing observing your mind you learn to naturally step outside of it into this bigger part of you. When you step out, you stop adding fuel: you take your foot off of the gas. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, rest assured that you do this all of the time without realizing it. Stepping into observation or witness mode is natural, you just don’t realize that’s what you’re doing. That’s why we practice this on purpose when we meditate – so that become aware when we’re doing it. Easy.)

This is how you get better at mindfulness: Simply, practice noticing whatever is happening.

Noticing a crazy mind is just as good as noticing a calm mind. The point isn’t to attain calm. The point is to get better and better at noticing, to be more and more aware, more and more conscious of whatever is happening. If you notice that your mind gets calm while you do this, great. If you notice that it gets even more crazy, great. You’re noticing. That’s good practice.

So, notice your crazy thoughts and emotions. Practice being aware of them. Come back to that over and over.  You will get better just by doing it. That’s how you make your practice better. Notice.

You will improve. 100% guaranteed.

#1 Mindfulness Myth Busted!

(5:16) Myth: When you meditate you should clear your mind of thoughts.

Myth busted: Ouch! This is not my experience at all. 11 years of practice later, I still think a lot when meditating!

If you’re alive, your heart will beat & your mind will think… Even when you’re meditating! Congratulations, you’re alive! This is great news! :)

So what does happen to our thoughts when we meditate?
We learn to have perspective on our thoughts. It’s called presence.

This perspective helps us stay grounded in reality vs getting lost in our thoughts.

How is that relaxing? When we have this perspective (vs getting lost in a single stream of thoughts) we have access to lots of ideas, information & input. We have options vs getting stuck in old thought patterns & outdated ideas. We have access to lots of ideas (& feelings & sensations, etc). We can see what makes the most sense vs just the first thing that popped in. We can be clear about what is actually going on, which makes for a much saner and calmer mind.

This is how the mind is ‘clear’. You’re not clear of thoughts, you’re clear in your thoughts.

Want help maintaining this clarity for yourself? Contact me for your private Skype sessions.

Two Great Ways to Fall Asleep Faster

Falling asleep can be tough if we’re not able to slow down our minds and bodies. We spend all day going at hyper speed, as fast as we can, “really busy” as the norm. Is it any wonder that we have a hard time turning all that drive off and slowing down at night?
Slowing down so that we can rest starts 1 to 2 hours before bedtime… Put down all your stimulants: your phone, computer, notepad; and turn off your tv. If this is too hard at first, try a shorter amount of time like 10 minutes before bed and build up to longer times once that is easy.

Keep all of these stimulants out of you bed room or sleeping area! Let your bed be for sleeping, not being busy, even for entertainment or education. If that stuff is important, do it before bedtime.

Third, once you are ready for bed, get in and do a Progressive Relaxation Body Scan. Essentially notice each area of the body & relax the muscles there. Start at the top and work your way down. More details are in the video. This will help your mind slow down by focusing on your body vs your day and will relax your body by relaxing your muscles.

Let me know how it goes!

Sweet dreams!,
Elena