Calming the Mind

Why Is My Mind Racing?

(video 4:26m) In his book, Restful Sleep, Deepak Chopra mentions that when we lay down to sleep the mind and body will bring up all of the things from the day that haven’t been finished… All of the thoughts & feelings you haven’t had time to complete are brought to the surface for finishing. Interrupted conversations, unsent emails, brainstorming ideas, unfinished emotions, aching muscles needing stretching all rise to the surface. Instead of falling asleep, you get going!

This is the opposite of what you want when you want to go to sleep and yet it is natural and best of all, if you relax and just let it happen, all of this will complete and then you can go to sleep.

I realized as I was reading this idea that this happens when we stop to meditate as well. We pause to get calm and instead, our minds race, our emotions well up and our aches and pains come to the fore. We want calm and we get chaos.

As soon as we realize that this is a natural part of resting, this processing of everything that needs to be unwound before we can relax, we can relax as it happens knowing that it will soon be over. If we fight it, getting upset that we’re not getting calm, we’ll be adding more fuel to the fire… we’ll be increasing the amount of thoughts and emotions that are happening and we’ll never relax!

Next time you pause to meditate, and your mind starts racing, notice if it is your mind unwinding and letting go of whatever it needs to let go of so that it can rest. If so, see if you can relax and allow that process happen. If you can, I imagine you will get calm much faster!

Enjoy your practice whatever happens!

How to Deal with Discomfort


Feeling too uncomfortable to practice?

That’s normal!

You don’t have to practice if you don’t want to!

And when you feel ready, take a few minutes and simply notice what comes up. Be present to whatever happens.

You may notice yourself…
not wanting to think or feel whatever you’re thinking or feeling. Keep noticing that. Stay with it. Stay present. Remember that whatever you are thinking or feeling will change eventually. EVERYTHING does. And if you stay present with it, and don’t try to change or fix it, it will naturally change (on it’s own) even faster.

You may notice yourself…
diving into the stories around why you are thinking and feeling those things. You may notice yourself adding fuel and building up the pain! Keep noticing that. Stay present, simply observing yourself doing that. It will change on it’s own eventually, especially if you stay present and just notice versus try to change or fix it. And if you do start changing or fixing it, simply notice THAT!

It is the noticing that is the key. The more you can simply notice, the more you allow whatever is here to be here. If you try to change or fix, inevitably you repress it and that locks it into place. Things that we’re repressing, we are holding and thus we can’t let go of them. If you can wait it out, simply observing, you will reach a point where you don’t need to repress any of it and your innate wisdom will surface with the answer for how to solve what ever is happening. It will not feel like repression or denial. You won’t feel that you need to make it stop. Instead, you will see the wisdom of what is happening, the undercurrents and the reasons and often the situation will reveal itself as useful and helpful… it will usually naturally end at that point.

Eventually, you may cultivate the willingness to notice whatever you are thinking and feeling… Not because you like it or want to be thinking or feeling whatever you are thinking and feeling… Simply because it is here. You will stay present because you will know the wisdom of this process.

Play with it and see if this works for you.

Cultivating Compassion

(video 4:59) The Science of Meditation Summit interview with Dr. Kelly McGonigal was all about compassion, her research and experience.

Compassion for others is an instinct, according to her research, as social animals we’re geared towards helping our community members relieve their suffering. This keeps our survival group strong.

Self-compassion is not instinctive. Instinctively we respond to our own suffering with stress: distress, shame, guilt, fight, fight, freeze, etc.

If we’re going to train compassion for self and others, she suggests that we do both at the same time. Cultivate compassion for others, practicing to improve that natural process, and also include self-compassion in the practice to build that as well.

Watch the video for a brief description of a compassion practice.

Enjoy!,
Elena
www.ElenaMariaFoucher.com

Decision Fatigue

(video 4:13min) I’ve been reading research lately that talks about decision fatigue, the idea that over time, say over the course of a day, your ability to make decisions decreases. Essentially, you’re good at making decisions when you start, and then not so good, to bad as you continue.

The metaphor that is often used is that it’s like a muscle, it’s strong at first and then after using it for a while it gets tired and eventually too week to move.

After you rest you’re ready to go again.

This makes lunch breaks, coffee breaks, etc really important! Stop making decisions when you take breaks. Unplug.

If you can’t break for your whole lunch time, take a shorter break. Doing a 2 to 5 minute meditation practice is a great micro-break whenever you need one during the day. Or even a few mindful breaths… look away from your work & take a few.

Studies say you’ll make better decisions after enough rest.
Try it out & see if you agree!

What I Do in Crisis (6): Ujjayi Breath

(Video: 4:57min) Ujjaya breathing is a yoga breath that is fun to do because you can actually hear your self breathing! This is great for people who like to focus on sound.

Watch the video for instructions if you want them, and enjoy using this tool during stressful situations. I use it when I’m stressed and I want something else to listen to for a moment besides my speeding train of difficult thoughts.

Using ujjayi breathing a great way to stay engaged in the moment and to give myself some perspective… there are other things in my life right now than this upsetting thing that is happening… like my noisy breath!

What I Do in Crisis (5): Align & Relax

(Video: 4:40min) This is a very quick, body based practice that I do when I’m super stressed and want to regain equilibrium.

This is part of a much deeper practice that I learned from Will Johnson’s wonderful book, Aligned, Relaxed & Resilient. This version is simple enough to do in crisis.

First, inhale and let the breath softly lift your body up straight and tall. Second, exhale and let the body melt and relax into this gently upright position. Let the body slowly align itself, gently lifting and relaxing with each breath.

This is a great meditation practice to do at any time, and works best during crisis if you teach yourself how to do it first when you’re not stressed… Then in crisis you already know how it works and it’s just a simple matter of doing it.

Enjoy!

What I Do in Crisis (4): Equal Breathing

(Video: 4:55min) Equal breathing is simply making your out-breath the same length as your in-breath. You don’t need to change anything about the speed or depth of your breath, simply notice how ever you are breathing and play with making your out-breath match your in-breath.

This is a great way to give yourself something simple to focus on besides whatever you’re upset about. The point isn’t to ignore the situation, the point is to help you stay engaged and calm down a bit at the same time.

Maybe you are having a fight with your partner. If you take a moment to focus on how you are breathing for a few breaths, you stay engaged in the situation and allow yourself the space to calm down a bit.

If you are a new meditator, you will be giving yourself a few seconds of focusing on something else within the situation that isn’t so upsetting, your breath. This will give you some perspective within the situation, you will immediately remember that there are other things going on within this situation, and you will start calming down. “My partner is yelling at me, and hey! I’m breathing!” A few breaths later, you will be a bit calmer and the situation won’t seem so overwhelming. If it does, focus on your breath a few more seconds, check back and keep repeating until you feel calmer.

If you have been meditating a while, you will be able to focus on your breath while focusing on what is upsetting you (at the same time). “My partner is yelling at me, and I’m also breathing really quickly.” Breathe into the situation. Listen to them and notice your breath as you listen attentively. Put part of them and part of your attention on your breath. Listen to them as you breathe in and listen to them as you breathe out. Notice that as you do this the situation gets less overwhelming.

Why? One reason is that focusing on breath helps you remember that whatever is happening is only one part of your reality, it isn’t all of your reality… there is this upsetting thing AND there are other things as well (breathing for instance). “I feel really upset AND I am breathing. Ah! There are other things going on in my world than being upset. There are other things in my life than this situation. There are other parts of my life.” Now that you have regained the perspective that there are many things in your reality, you can chose solutions from other parts of your life. You can bring in solutions and creative thinking that are not based in being upset right now. Now you have choices… do I put all of my energy and focus into being upset or do I put some of my focus and energy into thinking of solutions and feeling the different ways that I feel about this person/situation?

What I Do in Crisis (3): Progressive Breathing

(Video: 4:35min) When we’re really stressed our nervous system goes into ‘fight or flight’ mode & we start breathing fast & shallow. One nice way to help our system relax is to deepen our breathing.

If I’m really stressed, I can’t do that. I’m too overwhelmed to change my breathing. I will usually take a mindful breath , observing my (fast!) breathing & then when I’m a bit calmer I can play with my breath.

Progressive breathing starts with noticing my breath as it is and then inviting the next breath to be just a little bit longer & deeper. Just a tiny bit. I invite the next breath to again, be a tiny bit longer and I keep doing that bit by bit, until I’m taking much deeper breaths.

With this simple, subtle method, I gently encourage my nervous system to settle down pretty quickly.

Try it out & get good at it when you’re calm so that you already know how to do it when stress hits. As one client said, ‘build your parachute before you jump.’

What I Do in Crisis (2): 1 Deep Breath

(video 2:33 min) Taking one deep breath can help the body release stress during crisis. It’s a great way to release the pressure, a sigh of relief.

During crisis, I take one deep breath and use the exhale to literally blow out the stress. One deep breath works better for me than taking a series of deep breaths, because a series can feel like I’m forcing change in the middle of an already stressful situation… It’s just too much. One small change has a big impact. Trying to make lots of change gets overwhelming.

One deeper breath feels so good these days that my body almost does this automatically!

Enjoy!

What I Do in Crisis (1): A Mindful Breath

(Video: 3:45 min) I spent some quality time this summer understanding what helps me when I’m really stressed.

This is the first in a series on what worked during those crisis moments. These tools are what I used when I needed to do something to gain composure versus blowup or meltdown.

This first one, a mindful breath, is a great tool for giving me some perspective without requiring too much of my already overtaxed system.