Oh ho! how fun it is to play with all the poo in my head… and to notice how is plays with me.
I’ve been looking at the all of those things that I think about others and keep to myself… that constant stream of criticisms that form in an instant, come with resentment, anger, sadness, fear, pain, etc., and never get spoken. I keep them in because I think that other people won’t like me if I tell them these thoughts. And I don’t really feel the feelings either because I feel so guilty about feeling them in the first place.
It happened because I was, stuck in my own mud, full to the brim with all of this undigested crud, and someone pointed out that I was full of unspoken judgements! Eek! No one was supposed to know!
Haha. Everyone knows. First of all, many of us do this very same thing, and secondly we feel it when someone is being critical, even if it’s silent and we don’t really know what we’re feeling.
After a week or so of looking at this, this is what is working so far to move the muck.
First, I notice when I’m being critical. “Wow, that’s me thinking that she’s a pain in my bum, again. Oh! And here’s me judging myself for being judgmental again!”
Second, I’ve been feeling the feeling that is behind the criticism. This part is pretty interesting, because I try not to think about it, I try to just feel it, thanks to this interview Benoit Foucher did with Paul Cooper, and what a difference that makes! As he points out, once we really feel it, the reason behind it will surface naturally. And, of course, it turns out that my criticisms are because I’m feeling bad about myself. What a surprise. Haha.
Once I can feel the feeling, things get softer. Whether the reason surfaces or not, just digesting the emotion, just letting the emotion express itself, is making a huge difference.
I’m still judgmental. I’m just much more aware as I’m doing it, so I don’t unconsciously direct the emotion at the other. I stop and feel the emotion and that feels much better. Whew!
All in all, a much nicer place to be!
