I was home recently, and a family friend and I started discussing how she gets tired quickly in situations that are stressful. She starts to get overwhelmed and then very, very sleepy.
While we’re both introverts in the sense that we need time alone to feel whole and resourced, her tiredness is beyond that. It’s very linked to stress, and it comes fast. It’s a trauma response, in that her existing emotional overwhelm is being triggered by the stressful situation. This pattern is very uncomfortable for her, and sometimes she gets so uncomfortable that it affects the entire group of people around her.
We were sitting in the living room, reflecting on it. “When you notice it’s happening and you feel the fear,” I said. She sighed, chiming in, completing my sentence with the obvious cultural trope, “…do it anyway.”
In her voice I heard her resignation and understood that she’s tried exactly that many times over the years. Somehow, in this moment, this cultural dogma didn’t feel right.
It didn’t feel healthy, or supportive, or useful.
And without time to think about it, I heard myself saying, “No, hold the fear and let it know it’s safe.”
I paused. We looked at each other.
“Oh.” she said. That sunk in for us both.
I don’t know where that came from. And thank you whomever sent that one, because it was so obvious. It was a much better way for her to respond in this situation. It actually had the potential to help her heal.
Dots connected.
