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Broken to Joy series: Turning "I don't know how" into "I can"

(video) The journey from feeling broken to feeling joy can be an arduous one… one major roadblock for me was the pernicious idea, “But I don’t know how to change!”

This video offers a simple way to challenge that belief… Open the door to the idea that, “I can!”

 

(article)
So, here’s me, in pain, with a dear friend guiding me gently and skillfully through my desire to change a destructive habit of thinking “I’m not good enough” (I’m not smart enough, skilled enough, experienced enough,beautiful enough, strong enough, etc, etc, etc), and after we get through a big chunk of what was happening for me (I wanted to stay small and unnoticed, so that I would be safe!) I get scared. I hit a big pocket of fear, and out comes my tried and true, “but I don’t know how to do this!”

And I believe it. I convince myself instantly with those eight little words that I can’t do it.

In that moment, everything stops. I can’t actually go any further because, I suddenly believe that I am not capable of change. I believe that I don’t know how and so I shut the door to any next step that could occur.
Slam!
Bummer.

If you believe that you cannot do something, you make it pretty hard to do it.
Practically impossible.
Because, whether you actually can or not, you probably won’t even try.
And if you don’t try then you don’t teach yourself how to do it.
You don’t give yourself the chance to try and figure it out.
You don’t allow yourself the process of learning how.
You don’t learn that actually, you can.
What a bummer.

This is especially problematic when you feel broken in some way, and that there is no way out – that you don’t know how to change it. That you can’t. And of course, the belief that you don’t know how to grow, how to evolve, leads to stagnation. You stay broken.
Double bummer.

And the real kicker is that this is a belief that you can change if you decide to!
Super!

Beliefs are funny things. Often we believe something so deeply or for so long that we believe that it is a fact, something that we can’t change. And once you believe that something is fact, you act as if it is and you create your reality around that. If you believe deeply enough or long enough that you can’t do things then you will begin to live like that. You get your own nice pile of stagnant muck to carry around.
Major bummer.

What to do?
First realize that beliefs are thoughts and thoughts can change.

You think that you cannot do something. You can decide to change that thought and think that you can. You can decide that it is at least worth trying to figure out how… you can decide to play with the idea that you can do it, that you are capable of change, evolution and growth.
Mega Super!

And if you can get that far, and maybe even if you can’t, feel what it feels like to believe that you can. Feel into what that new belief gives you. And if you can begin to believe it, then open up to that belief, entertain it, cultivate it and see what comes to you as a result. So many times in my personal experience and that of my clients, once this shift is made about something, like magic we start noticing all kinds of things that help us accomplish the task at hand.

I decided to try on the belief that I could change my habit of “not good enough” and suddenly quotes started popping up in emails, friends started telling me stories of how they’d changed, my friend lead an EFT session on it, etc, etc, etc.
Miraculous.
Wonderful.
Life changing.
Super nova.

Exercise for Appreciating and Shifting Beliefs
You can do the following life coaching exercise by asking yourself a few questions and feeling into the answers. For stubborn beliefs, it can really help to capture all of your answers on paper.

First, ask yourself, what do I get out of believing that ‘I don’t know how”? What does that give me? How has that helped me in the past and how does it serve me right now?

Capture what comes. Note down, draw or record the words, images, colors, smells, sounds, scenes, memories, etc that flow past.

Once the flow has stopped, rest for a bit and then put all that you have captured in front of you and let any thoughts, emotions and reflections arise. Somethings may become clear now, or maybe not. The point here is to feel into what your past beliefs were. Beliefs aren’t necessarily rational, so you don’t need to understand them, just feel them.

One common feeling here is protection, that you are protecting yourself. Protecting yourself from the pain of failure, derision, abuse, etc may have been really useful in your past.

I was terrified of being abandoned as a child, for instance, and so I thought that I had to be perfect in everything I did. Otherwise I might get abandoned for doing something wrong. Thinking that I didn’t know how to do some things was a way to not do it, and avoid doing it wrong!
Massive bummer.

Recognize that usually we have these beliefs because of things that we experienced in our past and that they made a lot of sense for those situations. We’re very skilled beings at enduring hardship, at navigating traumatic situations and crisis and surviving intact and relatively sane. If you dig deep, you will usually find amazing wisdom in what you did to survive.

Let gratitude surface.
Appreciate the wisdom that allowed to you navigate situations and live to be doing this exercise today.
You’re a smart cookie.
What a relief.

Second, ask yourself, what would happen if the belief that “I don’t know how”, isn’t true? What would it be like to believe that I can do this? How does it feel to believe that I can? How does it feel to believe that I am able to change, grow and evolve around this? What do I get out of the belief that I can?

Again capture what comes, rest and reflect.

Third, usually one of three things will happen now. Either you will see wisdom in changing your belief and you will change it quickly and easily, or you will see the wisdom in changing and yet it will be difficult for you to change, or you will not see wisdom in changing and will keep your old belief (now more assured in your way of thinking).

For the second situation, I offer this advice:
The simplest thing to do in this case is to look at why you believe that you cannot change your belief easily and quickly, and to go through the same process above with this belief.

In fact you can do this process with any belief that you want to challenge and understand better.

If this process isn’t effective for you, play with other methods of belief exploration (EFT, Body Code, etc) and go from there.

In any case, enjoy feeling that you have choices!

Enjoy!,
Elena

Accepting Rejection as a Natural Part of Life

Notes from Hauts de Nimes

I used to believe that things come into my life as a result of where I was at as a person, my stage of development. So, I would ask myself thinks like, why is rejection coming to me right now? What am I trying to teach myself? And even more important, what can I change so that it doesn’t come again? What can I learn and do so that I don’t ever have to face this again?

The underlying assumption or hope was that the more I evolved the fewer of these difficult things would come into my life. Ah, the life of angles, of saints, of awakened beings…

Which is a great idea, a lovely dream to have. And it is entirely possible that really believing that makes it so.

Unfortunately, it hasn’t worked for me that way. So far, with all of the stages of evolution that I’ve moved through, these things still appear which has led me to a new idea.

What if rejection comes into my life, not as a commentary on where I am as a person, but because rejection is as normal as acceptance? That life is cyclic, like the seasons, that there is a natural flow of expansion and contraction, of action and rest, of growth and recovery, of complex and simple, of painful and nice, of rejection and acceptance. And that things like rejection will always arrive in their time.

My challenge then becomes to grow and evolve as a person and to deal with these cycles in healthier and better ways over time. And that on that mythical day when I finally sprout wings, that though I will still experience rejection as a part of the natural cycle of life, I will smile through the pain as it flows through, polish my halo and keep on going without wondering what I’ve done wrong. I will know that everything is just perfect, that these times are a part of the natural flow of life, as natural as the tides.

I like this dream even more.

Confidence as a Habit

Hauts De Nimes Tennis Academy

I was assisting at a tennis camp this summer and I noticed that I have some unconscious that are quite confidence killing…

I started thinking about this because we were playing a spontaneous game, tossing balls around while running, and one of the players kept apologizing when he would throw the ball and the catcher didn’t catch it.

It occurred to me that, what if, instead of deciding that his ball throwing was “wrong”, he challenged that assessment and decided to view it as a natural part of learning to throw (while running!) or part of the variety of life? He could appreciate that his crazy throws gives him and the catcher a chance to move in new and interesting ways and adds the fun of surprise into the game. What is there to say sorry about? He might choose, instead, to say, “Thanks!” or “That was fun!” or “Whoa! That was a good one!”

It was such a profound realization that I decided to not apologize for any of my crazy throws. You can imagine how much more confident I felt in this situation by finding fun in the unexpected versus feeling sorry about it.

The point here wasn’t that I threw any better, it was that I thought and felt differently about it. I was immediately more confident, because I was doing the same actions with an attitude that allowed me to believe in the value of my actions. That was a game changer.

And it was a lot more fun to play! And maybe my throws did get better just because I felt encouraged to play and practice longer.

 

Changing Thoughts and Feelings Can Build Confidence

How you think and feel about things determines your relationship to them. Change your thoughts and feelings, change your relationship. A “bad” throw becomes a “fun” throw.

This makes sense especially if you view “bad” as a set of decisions (thoughts). Your bad and my bad might even be different. And though you can probably discover some situations in which a throw would be “unacceptably bad”, like someone getting hurt, unacceptable is probably way beyond the “bad” that you are apologizing for, and that could be reassessed as fun.

 

Changing Your Game: A Confidence Practice to Play With

In any case, if you would like to play with improving your self-confidence, find an area in your life where you would like to improve your self-confidence and do a review of your thoughts on the activities in that area. Identify actions or patterns that you habitually view as “bad” or “poor” and see which ones can be reassessed as “normal”, “interesting”, “spontaneous”, “surprising”, “fun”, etc. Be creative and generous with yourself. And be honest as this will work best if you actually believe what you are telling yourself!

Then you can start changing your habits, from confidence-killing thoughts to confidence-building ones. Changing habits takes some time, so be patient and compassionate with yourself.

 

The Flow of the Practice

Usually you will start with just being conscious of the old patterns after they happen, then as your consciousness of them increases you will become conscious of them while they are happening and eventually you will be conscious of them in time to make new choices.

So, for example you might try this: the next time you are doing those actions just notice your old confidence-killing thought patterns and, after you do them, remind yourself of the possibility of the new ways to view the actions. Keep noticing the old patterns and reminding yourself of other possibilities, just as possibilities (no pressure to change, just a suggestion that change is possible). Eventually, with patience and repetition of the new possibilities you will notice the patterns in time to think the new thoughts before the old ones have a chance to come. New patterns will be established.

 

A Final Thought on Keeping it Fun

One thing to think about is that the less frustration you put into the mix (about how long it is taking to change this habit, that you have the habit in the first place, etc, etc, etc), the faster it will change. This is because frustration adds another layer that you have to work through to be what you want to be.

Start small and practice easy things first to get the hang of it, to build your confidence with the practice and the best way for you to do it. Then work your way into changing bigger, more difficult patterns.

 

And remember that ultimately, you are perfect as you are right now, and not to take anything too seriously, especially yourself!

 

Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Stop the Mind with Gratitude

Sha Tin 10.000 Buddhas

A beloved friend mentioned the value of thinking about something that I’m grateful for when I first wake up… and I’ve discovered a lot of value in taking her quite literally.

I’ve noticed a lot of mind activity in the morning, a strong habit of starting to think about things immediately upon waking up. I haven’t even opened my eyes sometimes and my mind is off planning my day, making decisions, accessing the day before, etc, etc, etc. That’s a pretty tricky habit to break, since I’m not even awake yet!

A Distraction Practice

So, what to do to help the mind relax its early morning vigilance?

I stop the train in it’s tracks by focusing it on coming up with something that I’m grateful about. My eyes are about to open, my mind gets going and I say, “Hey mind, what am I grateful for right now?” This usually does the trick; the cycle has been broken and peace reigns. If not, if my mind is really persistent that morning, I can ask it to think of 10 things to be grateful for and that can keep it busy for long enough to disrupt the habit.

Morning Meditation Starts the Day with Clarity

Really, this whole focus started with the observation by some teachers on The Grand Adventure that a group of us were waking up with a lot of chaotic mental activity and bringing that into our mornings together. It was suggested that we all do a morning meditation. That we get up, go to the bathroom and immediately go back and sit on our beds and meditate for 15 to 20 minutes. No drinking water, no brushing our teeth, no shower, just wake up and meditate as soon as possible to clear the mind and start the day from that place. I’ve been doing this for months now, and wow is it helpful! It seems to make an enormous difference to my whole day whether I start with a clear mind or a mind set on automatic as you can imagine.

 

The few minutes between waking up and meditating were still getting to me though… those I wasn’t able to do much about. I noticed that if I started meditating right when I woke up, before I even opened my eyes, which is typically when my mind started working, I would just go back to sleep! So, the gratitude exercise has turned out to be a very useful one!

I imagine that there are lots of others, and ways to improve this one… want to share your’s?

Enjoy,

Elena

Adventures in Mid-back Alignment

 

Natarajasana on a pole in Nimes.

Natarajasana on a pole in Nimes.

New-to-me yoga teacher the other day. He reminded me about the importance of working with the ribs. Those of us that have a tendency to roll our shoulders forward in a slouch usually end up misaligning our rib cage (and thus the mid back) when we make adjustments to our shoulders to open the chest and breathe better.

Playing with Mid-back Alignment: Top Down (Shoulders to Pelvis)

Try sitting or standing upright (straighten your spine to its neutral or natural upright curves), relaxing your shoulders down and then back a little bit, taking a nice deep breath and letting your chest open fully. Feels great right?

And it is! And if you are like most of us you’ve probably managed to thrust your ribs forward, a little or a lot, in the process. Check your low back. If there is a bigger curve there, or if your torso is not stacked over your pelvis try this simple adjustment: keeping your chest nice and open, gently pull your bottom ribs back in towards towards your spine as if someone was pushing your bottom ribs backwards. This simple action moves your spine towards neutral by aligning your spine in your mid back.

A couple of interesting things can happen now…

The first thing we’ll explore is that your chest is open, your upper torso is stacked over your pelvis… and your low back and belly feel tight and constricted. This can be because your muscles are weak in this position so they are tightening in an effort to compensate. If you don’t rest in this alignment most of the time, your muscles aren’t used to working in this way so they are not so strong in this alignment. They are more used to your normal stance. Since your posture muscles are weak, they will tire quickly. The result is that in this position you can breathe, but you can’t move freely or maintain it for very long.

To help with the tightness, keep your shoulders relaxed, your chest broad, your ribs aligned, and gently move your upper body around (in small circles, side to side, etc) encouraging your low torso to soften. Then relax into neutral spine and rest there. When you feel tightness returning maintain your upper body alignment and move around a bit more. Keep doing this interplay until you lose concentration or until you start getting physically a bit fatigued, which ever comes first.

To help with the muscular weakness, play with this alignment for a few minutes at a time as often as you remember it. The key is to strengthen the muscles by working them a little at a time as often as you can. Like every other posture exercise, you can change habits by creating new ones over time… so enjoy the adventure!

The next thing we’ll explore is that your chest is open, your upper torso is stacked over your pelvis… and you are holding your ribs in so tightly that you aren’t allowing your rib cage to expand fully with each breath. The result of this is that you are in alignment, but you cannot breathe freely.

To help with this tightness keep your shoulders relaxed, your chest broad, your ribs aligned and soften your hold on your intercostal muscles (the muscles between your ribs) by playing with expanding your ribs sideways as you inhale. If you play with sideways expansion you can actively relax your ribcage, allowing movement, while maintaining alignment front to back. In other words, you are softening by letting your body expand to the sides versus expanding forwards and possibly jutting your ribs forward again into misalignment.

Again, it is good to play with this alignment for as long as you can maintain concentration or until you get physically tired, which ever arrives first.

Playing with Mid-back Alignment: Bottom Up (Feet to Ribcage)

Another way to play with this mid-back alignment, is to work with stabilizing your base first, getting your feet and legs well placed and strong, then positioning the pelvis and finally making sure that the ribs are aligned. This was how the yoga teacher interacted with this and emphasized it by making it the foundation for every asana he taught. Made for a beautiful class.

First, how is your base? Are you standing with your weight evenly distributed between both feet and legs? Are you sitting with your weight evenly spread between your sit bones? Are you relaxed, tense, strong, floppy, comfortable, in pain… check them out and see what you feel. Make adjustments towards alignment, balance and comfort by distributing your weight evenly between your legs or sit bones, and the balls and heels of both feet. In this way you are even right to left and front to back.

Next, move up to your low torso and notice how your pelvis is positioned… is your low back flat or over arched? Is one hip out to the side? Are you crossing your legs and making your pelvis uneven horizontally and also front to back (one hip further in front than the other)? Do you feel comfortable? Balanced? Supported? Make adjustments towards them by tilting or un-tilting your pelvis and uncrossing your legs and ankles.

Finally, notice your ribs. Are you jutting out your ribcage or are your ribs tucked in nicely, creating nice alignment in your mid-back? Adjust accordingly.

Additionally, of course, you can keep moving up and check your shoulders and head alignment, noticing and adjusting them so that they are open and balanced over your pelvis.

Playing with Mid-back Alignment: Ribs Only – Simplest Practice

Lately, I skip all of this and just play with my ribs… am I pushing them out or are they aligned? And surprisingly, I can make nice adjustments most of the time. I wasn’t really noticing them so much before this class. And when I bother to do a whole routine, there is this wonderful feeling of support and strength that comes from being lined up like a column, a solid and relaxed feeling.

 

I’m interested to know what works best for you and what you find when you play with these things.

And if you have any other suggestions you’d care to share, please do!

 

Thanks for Sharing,

Elena

Posture Perfect – 4 Exercices for Improving your Posture

Playing with Posture in France

Playing with Posture in France

Want to improve your posture?
Here are a few things I’ve done over the past year that have helped a lot. I like to play with these while running, so these are especially fun to do while moving.

Spinal Awareness – (From the) Bottom Up!

Great for awareness of the entire spine, floor to ceiling.
  1. Contract the anus a few times so that you are really awa˝re of the area around the low spine (just above the anus is the coccyx, then the sacrum and then the rest of the spine rises up into the neck and skull).
  2. Then starting from the bottom, inhale and imagine that the air you are inhaling is gently moving up your spine and that it expands and lifts your spine as it moves up. Invite your spine to float up, as if you were lighter than air, following the movement of air and spine with your awareness, upwards from coccyx to crown. Notice how the spine gently lifts and unfolds and the body opens.
  3. Do this a few times, following the movement, noticing the movement in the body each time.d. Now notice as much of the spinal area as you can, coccyx to crown (bone, muscle, skin, etc).
  4. Use this exercise to help you relax your spine and back and to be more aware of them and their position. This exercise is also a great way to start focusing on your spine before you do any of the other exercises below.

Spinal Tube

This exercise is great for aligning the whole spine.
  1. This is super simple. Imagine that your spine is a tube. As you inhale, imagine that your breath is gently flowing down your spine, and that the whole tube is lengthening, flowing down, relaxing, expanding and opening as the air floods through.
  2. Let the breath smooth out any kinks in the tube, and allow the back to relax, loosening all of the back muscles as it goes. This is an air massage. It feels great!
  3. Do this for a few breaths or until you feel un-kinked.
  4. This is great to do while moving, especially exercising, and if you do it while running, for instance, you can play with improving your gait at the same time (better posture = easier stride).

Spinal Tube with Navel Hold

This one is great for abdominal and low back awareness. Also, strengthens the abdominals. This one is for those of you that like challenges.
  1. Once you get good at the above practice, add a gentle drawing in (pulling in) of the navel towards the spine. Keep breathing and relaxing at the same time!
  2. This practice is actually a bit tricky, because you want to relax the back as much as possible and at the same time keep the abdomen contracted. The dichotomy creates an interesting challenge for the mind and the body.
  3. Again, be gentle. The point here is not force. The point is awareness, so notice your body and how it reacts to this interplay of relaxation and gentle contraction.

Hip Space

This exercise allows more room between the thighs for the pelvis to move, so that great pelvic alignment is easy to find.
  1. Stand comfortably, feet hip width apart.
  2. Staying upright (without leaning the upper body forward), bend your knees and lower your body straight down towards the ground a few inches (a very shallow squat)
  3. Soften your whole pelvic area, especially your buttock and hip muscles by imagining that you are made of melting butter!
  4. Standing like this, your pelvis has more room to move. Loosen it up a bit and enjoy this increased freedom by rocking the base of your pelvis gently back and forth, moving your pubic bone and coccyx (the bony mound at the bottom front of your pelvis above your genitals and in back, the seat bones at the base of your spine).
  5. Drop your sit bone, your coccyx bone at the bottom of your spine, down towards the ground, straightening your low back and letting your your pelvic bone move forward as your spine straightens.
  6. Keeping your pelvis in this new position slowly and gently straighten your knees feeling what a straighter lower back feels like.
  7. Feel which parts of your back, buttocks, hips, thighs, knees, etc feel tight or restricted in this position. If you feel fairly comfortable, take a few steps, again feeling for restrictions.
  8. If you feel really comfortable walk around feeling into this position, reminding your body what this feels like, and how to move in this position. Let this be gentle, fluid and dynamic. The point here is not to force anything. The point is to gain awareness, to notice the body.

Enjoy!,

Elena

What exercises do you do that improve your posture?

The Secret to Winning

Hauts de Nimes Training

I was watching an intense professional tennis match yesterday and I realized something… that if I give up then I lose.

Simple, right?

The two athletes were really well matched, both extraordinary players. Number 1 and number 5 in the world. And one of them started winning. Really started winning. It became pretty clear, score wise that he would win the match.

And the other player kept playing. He kept playing hard, going all out our for every shot, full tilt, putting everything he had into it.

And losing.
And going full bore.
And losing.
And dedicating his entire being.
And losing.
Putting all of his focus and intensity into it.
And losing.

Point after point after point, he went for it.
And point after point after point, he lost.
And still he was there 100%.

It was amazing. If he had given up at any point, I would not have faulted him. He was clearly losing. And yet he kept playing his best, point after lost point after lost point.

He was fully motivated internally regardless of what the score was, regardless of whether he was winning or losing. Even when he was sure to lose, he kept his determination to play his best.
And he did.

And I realized that, that was a lesson to take home. Just the day before I had given up in the middle of losing every point. And I realized that that was a pattern that I could break now.

I had learned the secret.
Don’t give up.

Even when I’m losing every point, keep giving everything I’ve got.
When I’m losing is not the time to change strategies, it is time to stay determined, to stick with what I know to be right for me, even when it isn’t working in the moment. Even when I am clearly losing the match.

He won the match in the end.
And I can win in the end.

In fact I will win in that moment, long before any end, because I will be my own safe harbor, my own rock, my own measure of success… my own judge of whether I gave up too soon or persevered.

Patience, determination and belief in myself.
Especially when things seem bad.
What a beautiful lesson.

Thanks, Nadal and Djokovic, you are amazing inspirations!,

Elena

5 Giant Steps to Improve Your Heart Centered Marketing

Share You Essence

Share You Essence

For the past year, I’ve really put my nose to the grind stone to figure out how to market myself, so now I’m sharing the fruits of that labor with you…

Here they are, in 5 giant steps, my version of the current trends in heart centered marketing for soul centered businesses (healing, coaching, counseling, etc)

Synopsis

The main thing that I understand from my studies is this: marketing my work is about focusing on the client in a way that lets potentials know who I help, what I help them with and what benefits they will receive. Clients are interested in themselves first, as they should be in this equation, my work next and me third. Marketing is first about making clear to clients who I serve and how, so that they know immediately if my services could be an appropriate match for them. Once they determine if they and their issues fall into my sphere of work, then they want to know more about me. They will already have a sense of my energy from the initial information (consciously or not), afterwards I am just filling in the gaps with some details about me so that they get an even better sense. Finally, testimonials from others about their experience complete the information.

The 5 Giant Steps

1.Defining your client base – WHO are they –

Who do you work with? Who is your ideal client cohort?
Do you work with children only? Adults? Animals? Plants?  Women? Teenagers? Pregnant women?

Examples: I help men and women…, I work with young adults…, I facilitate special needs children…, I teach pet owners…

This part is often fairly difficult in part because it’s importance isn’t understood. For some excellent advice on how and why to define a niche, check out Tad Hargrave’sbrilliant work. He gets this part way better than I do, co if you are really serious, definitely read his articles!

2.Defining what you help with – WHAT do you do –

This part can also have you pulling your hair out… at least I did for years. I finally get this one, so read on…

What issues do you help with? What issues is/are the main, typical, or favorite focus(es) of your work?

Start by imagining that you have an issue that you want help with… maybe you have cancer or a torn ligament or insomnia or you are being contacted by aliens and you are terrified.  One thing to notice is that each problem is unique and that not everyone will be a suitable helper for you. In other words, if you have a torn ligament you are probably not going to go someone who specializes in channeling aliens. At least not at first. :) (Oh, this is fun.)

Does that make sense? The point is that marketing is best when it is targeted towards the client in a way that helps them understand how you can help them.

Let me say this in another way: if I am seeking help it is because I feel I have a problem. I feel that I want help with something. Problem free people generally don’t seek help, right? So, problem in mind, I am going to start looking around and asking friends for someone who can help me with it. If for instance, I want help dealing with child abuse, I will be looking for a therapist who specializes in childhood trauma or similar, and probably not be looking for someone who’s work focuses on death and dying.

Lotus OpeningThis becomes a starting point in your marketing: What issues do you work with especially? And here are a bunch of different questions that you can ask yourself to get at the answer. What kinds of things is your work most effective with? What things do you most like to work with? What are your typical or favorite starting points or client issues? What things have you dealt with most in your own life or are you really good at dealing with in your life? Who are your favorite clients and why and what are their issues?

For brevity, boil your answer down to one or two main issues. This can be quite a challenge, so if this is difficult in the moment here are some things to do: give yourself some time to reflect on it, meditate on it, and let all of the answers come… write them down. Talk to friends, read about other healers on the internet or in books, talk to other healers, and think about other healers that you know. As you are doing all of this begin to notice how you are similar and different from them, eventually discovering what it is that you actually do in a nut shell. Peel away all of the things that everyone does like uses intuition, works with energy/body/mind/emotion, channels higher knowledge, etc and look at what you do with those things… how do you use your intuition? What do you do with energy/body/mind/emotion? What is unique about how you use higher knowledge?

Don’t worry that you are going to limit your actual work or who comes to you by being this specific in your advertizing. Remember that this is a starting point for people to begin connecting with you. It doesn’t define you so much as it gives a clear idea of an important part of your work. You aren’t limiting yourself with this definition (Can anyone describe themselves in one or two sentences?!), you are describing the thrust of your work relative to others so that people can begin to relate you… you are saying: we can begin our conversation here. If they are interested, they will ask questions. And then you will know what other questions to answer.

For instance, another healer friend and I have very similar sounding practices. We both work with people’s bodies to access their emotions around trauma. However, in talking it helped me realize that my practice focuses on allowing and inviting the energy present in the body and uses the body as a starting point whereas his focuses on locating and releasing trapped energy and uses emotions as a starting point. This is a huge distinction in how I will market my work from now on.

For Example: he could write, “I help people who are feeling emotionally overwhelmed release their trauma,” and I could write, “I help people utilize their body’s wisdom to relieve the effects of trauma.”

Our focuses are different and our starting points are different, even though in the end we do very similar things.

3. Defining the benefits you offer – WHY come to you –

What can clients expect from your work? What are the end points of your work?

And before you say anything about expectations and that there are no endpoints (I am thinking that anyway :) , it helps me to remember that my client has a problem and wants help. They are going to come to me because they feel that I can help them feel better. Otherwise, why come?

Some questions to answer to determine what you offer, what the benefits of your work are: If I work with you, what can I expect? How will I know when we are done? = Do you help me regain the range of motion in my joints? Do you teach me ways to relax? Do I reach some goals (that you/I/we set)? After x session(s) I will think/feel/have… This work will ameliorate/improve/change…

Example: I help men and women face their traumas in order to regain mental and emotional stability.

4.Write a short Bio – WHO you are –

Write a short bio on your relevant education and experience. I don’t think that any of my healing clients care that I have a BS in Environmental Science, but they would like to know that I have studied a number of healing modalities, one for 400+ hours. They also don’t care much about my work teaching teachers how to teach, but it is useful to know that I’ve been practicing my healing work since 2005.

Briefly describe the learning and doing that informs your practice. They want to know that you know what you are doing both from study and from experience. . Did you take an hour class and start yesterday or did you study for a while and have been practicing for years? They don’t need an essay. They just need the facts, Mam, just the facts. Have the confidence to let the facts of your experience speak for themselves. After all it is how you got to where you are today. Trust yourself and trust what you know.

And be honest! People will feel dishonesty in their bones. Even if your study and experience is limited, people will respect your honesty and know that they can trust you, which is crucial in establishing a healing relationship. If you feel too limited to be honest then either take more classes, get more experience by giving complimentary sessions or get a new career that you can be honest about.

5.Testimonials – OTHER perspectives

The best advice for this came from a friend and fellow healer… Instead of asking people to write testimonials, jot down what people say to you after sessions about their experience of your work in a notebook and collect words of approval from their emails. Put these in an email, send them to the person who conveyed them and ask if you can use them as testimonials. Let them know where you will use their words (give your website or describe your advertizing placement), ask if they are comfortable with how you would like to list their name, and give them some options for their listing (some combination of full name, first name with last initial, first name only, initials only, with or without occupation, with or without home country, etc).

This process has two distinct advantages. First, you get their opinion at a time when the experience is fresh, when they are really feeling deeply and clearly what has happened for them versus relying on memory. Second, since it is already written, clients tend to return something useful much faster. All they have to do is read over it and at most edit what is there before hitting reply.

Voila! Five giant steps for creating or refining your heart centered marketing.

If you want help, there are quite a few soul centered business coaches out here such as Mark Silver and Brian Whetten. You are also welcome to email me with questions or leave comments below.

And please share this if you found it helpful so that others can benefit as well!

Happy Sharing!,
Elena

Learning to Fall with Grace Part II

hong kong from the peak

Ok, so now that I’ve started playing with the physicality of falling down, I moved on to another forward roll technique to keep my mind engaged in the activity, and have invited the emotional part to come and play too. Yikes.

After warming up a bit and checking in with my self (Everything ok in here to play this way right now? Yes. Great. Let’s go!) I opened to the fear of falling (I imagined slipping), located the fear in my body (belly and throat as well curiously, hadn’t noticed that aspect of it before), felt into it, took a breath for courage and did a forward roll. Shew… scary. After a few rolls it came to me to just fall down on the futon and lie there as if I had fallen for real. Oh boy.

I ended up flat on my back full of fear and all of these associated feelings of incapacity, inability and unworthiness welled up. Then it came to set up a safety bubble and I laid sprawled in the fears for as long as I could, breathing gently and staying open.

Then I had to eat some chocolate and distract myself with washing some dishes.
I hadn’t expected this fear to go so deep!

After relaxing a bit, and checking in again (“Everything ok in here to do some more?”) I started playing again and noticed that the fear was much, much less intense. Great!

A Technique to Splay with

Here is the second forward roll technique, this time from gymnastics…
I found the video a helpful visual, but I really needed the written instructions below before I understood how to do this roll, so I recommend watching the video to get the idea and then reading the steps below for full understanding… and then of course, splaying with it!

Gymnastics forward roll (link to the video)

Do-a-Forward-Roll Instructions (text)

Note: I found using my hands helped with this one. First, to contact the floor lightly at the beginning of the roll helped me land on my shoulders (not on head or neck, please!), and second, at the end of the roll, immediately stretching them out in the air in front of me helped maintain and direct the momentum of my body up to standing.

Happy Splaying!,
Elena

Learning to Fall with Grace

hong kong from the peakOften, I walk up a very steep hill. This is Hong Kong, which is much like San Francisco, we don’t kid around with steep. This is 123 meters of elevation gain in less than a kilometer… That’s steep. It’s so steep that it is cemented with horizontal lines for increased traction, the whole way up. Yep, steep.

I’m walking up one rainy, slippery day and I get that familiar gut wrenching fear that I might slip and fall and suddenly it occurs to me, do I have to continue like this? What can I do to interact with this fear in a friendly way, to change my stomach churning fear of falling into something less… scary. Less reactive and more active.

And so I began to let my mind sift through ways to walk into this fear, completely accept it and play in it, thereby allowing it to shift as it wants.

One way would be to practice falling down. Yikes! I immediately decided that flinging myself down on the rough cement probably wouldn’t feel much like play, more like scabby torture… So I’ve decided to teach myself some ways to fall down at home. On my bed. From experts. From disciplines like gymnastics, Alexander technique, modern dance, martial arts… surely one of them would be fun and easy. So, off I went to do some research.

Of course synchronicity meant that when I got home with this brilliant idea, I didn’t even get it out of my mouth before my partner related a story about his day teaching two of his students how to do forward rolls… I love synchronicity.

So, here we go with how to start a practice of learning to fall with grace… With any luck I will soon be past the stiff or spat reaction.

Preparing your play space

Find a space that allows you to dive inside and not get interrupted, a safe place for you to play.

Preparing your landing pad

Play on something soft. I tried my yoga mat on the hard wood floor first. Major ouch! Maybe two or three mats would work, but I decided that the futon would be great. Your bed could be a good surface, or some soft, leafy or grassy ground.

Preparing you

Realize that this can get intense. Think about trusted friends or helpers who you can call on if you get in deep and want some help. Also, follow your innate wisdom, dive when it is good to dive and stop when it isn’t. Take care of yourself by staying attentive to your needs and when you notice that you can’t be attentive, take a break!

Warm up your body and especially if you have any physical challenges, consider how to do these practices in the safest way possible for your body. Only attempt things that seem reasonable for you and adjust as you go… remember that you are incredibly wise and capable and fully responsible for your self, so respect your infinite wisdom… Be safe and compassionate!

Finally, check in and locate in your body your fear of falling, in your belly or chest or where ever you hold it. You can even rate it for yourself from 1 – 10 (minimal to maximum fear) or write down what you notice about it to see how it changes as you play. Some things that you might notice are size, shape, weight, texture, color, sound, frequency, emotions associated with it, etc, etc, etc. If stories come up, note down one or two identifying details and let the story pass so that you don’t get caught up in mental drama. You can also keep paper handy for anything that comes up that you want to let go of with some cathartic writing (and possibly burning or throwing away).

Ready?! Let’s…

Splay!:
The first method: Jiu Jutsu forward roll!
Beginning with an inspiring tigers growl, this video features an excellent teacher giving clear and simple steps for learning a jiu jitsu forward roll (or how not to fall splat on your face)…

Watch the video! and then here are the basic steps for referral once you’ve watched and understood his method.

1. Start on your knees (praying that everything is ok, you’re just turning your world upside down, no biggie… OMG. This would be a good time to check in with your fear of falling and invite it out to play.:)
2. Place one hand out and tuck the other hand under your body in the direction of the opposite knee. Breathe. Connect with your fear of falling.
3. Tuck your chin towards your chest, start moving your ear towards the floor and sending that opposite leg up into the air (now’s your chance to pee on any fire hydrants that are handy… letting lose your fears of falling, cause here it comes!)
4. Breathe as you roll forward onto your tucked shoulder (keeping your head and neck off of the floor), across your back and onto and over your opposite hip.
5. Smile because your fear is just a fear and you are alive to play with it.

Note that if, like me, you end up doing half a roll and lying sideways on your back, it helped me to focus on sending my ear down towards the floor and also lifting up the opposite leg. This combination helped me direct my weight diagonally across my body instead of straight down my back, losing momentum and unrolling half way through. Yep, more of a splat than a roll.

When you are ready, start from standing, the biggest difference being that you will bend your knees as you go down, rolling onto on your tucked shoulder with no added arm support.Try it! It is simple once you get the kneeling roll down. Took 5 whole minutes! Wheeee!

I got so caught up in learning the roll that I didn’t play in the fear much yet.
Off to see how that goes!

I’d love to know how your own play date with falling with grace goes…

Enjoy!,
Elena