focus

You’re Not In Control of Your Attention

What do I mean by that?!

I mean that you’re not able to focus on anything for more than a few seconds at a time before your attention wanders away, and you aren’t able to keep it from wandering even if you try.

I totally didn’t believe this at first.
You probably don’t either, so I’m going to give you an example and a simple exercise to test it out for yourself.

— Definitely don’t just believe this craziness! Find out for yourself! —

Then I’ll share why it might matter to you, and what you can do about it.

— Ok, first up, an example. —

Have you ever been listening to someone and something they said reminded you of something else? …
“Email!'” you start thinking, “Oh no! Did I send that email?! Oh, crud! I forgot! Ok, first thing in the morning!” You finish this thought, and then return your attention to the person in front of you… and they’re still talking. Oops.

You don’t know what you’ve missed, because you were busy thinking about email. And if you’re like me, you hope they keep talking so that you can try and figure out what you missed! 
Not a comfortable or respectful place to be (of self or other).

Everyone can relate to this. I’ve not yet had a single person who couldn’t.
Why? Because we aren’t in control of our attention! Even if we are talking to a best friend, boss/client, lover or beloved child we still do this! Yikes!

— Next, an experiment to test out your attention control for yourself —

When I heard about this, I thought, “But that’s silly! I can watch a movie for 2 hours and not have my thoughts wander away!”

Well, sure you’re able to focus on movies, TV/Netflix shows, Facebook, YouTube, etc easily! And, my friend, those things are designed to grab your attention and keep it – over and over and over again. Ever wondered why these things are constantly changing every 3-7 seconds? (New angle, new sound, new topic, etc.) That’s because they know that modern consumerist humans have the attention span of gnats, so they program that way!

Try this:

Focus on your breath, and only on your breath, for 3 minutes. Don’t let your attention wander to anything else. 
I can guarantee you that you can’t do it.
(If you can PLEASE email me! I want to meet you! you’ll be the first person I’ve ever met that can! And my first question, will be, how long can you focus? Now, back to 99.9999% of us…)

Even if I promise you 1 billion dollars or to meet the person of your dreams, you won’t be able to.
Seriously, test it out for yourself. (It’ll only take 3 minutes.)

It’s crazy, right?!
You can’t control your attention, and keep your mind from wandering away, for just 3 minutes.

— Why you might care and what to do about it. —

So why do you care? 
Well, maybe you don’t. 
But if you do, if you want to be able to control your attention, to direct your focus towards what ever you’re interested in for extended periods of time, then mindfulness is a great tool for helping with that.

Part of the point of mindfulness is to be able to focus our attention for long periods of time, first so that we’re aware of what’s happening in front of us (hello person speaking to me!). We want to be able to enjoy our lives!… The birthday party or wedding we’re at, the moments with our loved ones, our vacations, etc. Otherwise we’re only partly there and the rest of the time we’ve wandered away in our minds… lost in thought.

There are many ways to regain this ability. If you do anything that asks for your attention (that doesn’t cultivate a gnat like attention span) you can commit to paying attention for longer and longer amounts of time. (Start with 30 seconds and work your way up!) Mindfulness is one great way to do this, and regaining focus is just one of the many benefits!

For free guided mindfulness practices, see ElenaFoucher.com/mindfulness

The Two Fundamental Things I Did to Get Out of My Head

When I was stuck in the “trap” of my mind, there were two things that got me out.

  1. Training my ability to focus my mind – which eventually leads to being able to focus on my “larger” mind (the rest of me).
  2. And training being aware of myself, or noticing that I’m (here in this body-mind) focusing – which naturally leads to an awareness of my “larger” self (the rest of me).

For example, I might practice focusing on my hand. And while I’m doing that, I also practice keeping in mind that I’m sitting here looking at my hand. Simple.

This two part practice will naturally reconnect you with the rest of you. You’re dropping your fixation on your thoughts and letting yourself become aware of the rest of you. It’s just a matter of time. And then you’ll need to keep practicing it to create the new habit of “larger” awareness (vs collapsing your attention back down into only your thoughts).

If it sounds esoteric or mysterious in any way, I apologise. It’s not. It’s just like remembering to use both hands to pick stuff up… You’ve got two of them… Why not use them both?

Help! Can’t Concentrate!

(video: 2:49min) Every 3 months or so I drink a cup of coffee (love the bitter + sweet!)… and then remember why I don’t do it often! I get super jittery, my mind goes 3-million miles an hour and I can’t concentrate! Yikes!

Yesterday, I had this experience while working at a coffee shop, and after struggling for a while I stopped and practiced mindfulness for a few minutes.

Whew! That 3-minutes saved my day! After that I could focus again. I was really thankful to have that tool handy.

Next time you can’t concentrate, take 3-minutes to practice, and see if it helps!

New Goal: 90 – 10

On top of the Rockies!  I just read this great idea of focusing 90% of the time on positive things and only 10% on negative things.

So all that time I spend fixing what’s wrong, would only take up  10% of my time.

And all the love and laughter would be the ENTIRE other 90%.

That’s a ratio worth living!

This really came home to me yesterday when I realized that this shadow work that I was doing didn’t have to be so depressing… I could actually ask myself to have fun with it. Fun looking at my deepest, darkest crud? Well why not?! I get to decide how I do things, where I focus my attention, where I focus my energies… whether I revel in the bright sides or lull myself asleep with the heavy darkness. So, I’m trying it and so far it’s much nicer. The dark is still dark and I’m reminded to not take it so seriously, reminded to keep my distance from it, that I am not it.

Then this 90 – 10 idea floated by and it felt like a great idea to live by and confirmation of my decision. Isn’t the Universe grand?

Thanks Universe. Thanks whomever wrote that idea down.

Enjoy!,

Elena

 

Speaking From the Heart: Feeling with Every Cell

(video) Being willing to feel things, to feel with every cell of your body every feeling that comes, be it joy or sadness… opens you up.
Allows you to experience all of it.
And let it all go.
Can you feel with every cell of your body whatever you are feeling right now?
Enjoy,
Elena
theJoyLab.net

Speaking From the Heart: Acknowledging Fear Isn't Cultivating Fear

(video)  How do we acknowledge fear with out cultivating more of it?

One way is to feel it with out thinking about it, with out going into the story of why you are feeling it.
Then it goes.
Making room for what ever is next!
Like happiness.
How do you acknowledge fear without cultivating more of it?
Enjoy,
Elena
theJoyLab.net

Speaking From the Heart: Choosing Happiness

(video) I asked myself, The Universe, My Guides to help me choose happiness… is that even possible in a world that included everything? Do I get to choose?
Are you choosing happiness right now?
Heart Fully,
Elena
theJoyLab.net

Broken to Joy: Practicing with the Little Waves

(video) Practicing with the less intense thoughts and feelings really helps when the overwhelming ones wash over!
Enjoy,
Elena
theJoyLab.net

Broken to Joy: The Pain Isn't Me

(video) Sometimes in the middle of turmoil it helps to remember that my thoughts and feelings are things. They are objects. That I am separate from them.

Elena
theJoyLab.net