If we’re here on Earth to learn from challenges, to explore say struggle or shame or loneliness or illness or pain, versus say to build a perfect world, then one of the constant tests seems to be dealing with difference, especially when it makes us feel unsafe. In other words, facing change, the unknown, or ‘the other’ and seeing how we cope. In the modern world, we’re challenging ourselves with facing ‘the other side’ on a grand scale, indeed a global scale, unprecedented in (recent) history in terms of number of humans dancing this dance together.

I’m in Fort Worth, Texas in the midst of midterm elections, and the force with which the ‘sides’ express themselves is a bit dizzying. One friend, upon hearing I was coming stateside, switched from friendly to derisive so intensely I felt like I’d been slapped in the face. Goodness. Another gave dire warnings of being caught in the middle of armed insurgency. And yet another laughed derisively at the idea that there would be problems in the first place. Wow. Head spinning.
Emotions are strong to say the least.

One thing is clear, many, many people are navigating feeling unsafe relative to ‘the other.’

I’ve lived in 5 countries so far, and one thing I can say is even having consciously honed my ability to be open minded around differences I frequently get challenged by what someone else does. I still have to remind myself that we all have valid reasons for doing what we’re doing, that ‘everyone is the hero of their own story,’ and that just because it doesn’t make sense to me right now doesn’t mean it doesn’t make sense at all (especially once I have all the data). It’s a muscle that gets tested often. A constant reframing.

The biggest challenge for me is to respect the immense intelligence of everyone, even when I feel threatened… even when their decisions feel dangerous in the moment…

In this area of Fort Worth there are no sidewalks, so the local university students and I are all running and walking in the roads – along with all of the parked cars, huge suv’s and pick-up trucks. No sidewalks in a university area seems pretty stupid to me. And dangerous. I felt angry at first, and then I reflected that I don’t need to like what ‘they’ decided. I don’t need to like running in the road. But I do feel it’s important to value ‘them,’ including their experiences, thinking and feelings. In this globalized context, I’d appreciate it if we all looked at current examples of division, mockery, degradation, etc. especially in our personal lives, and learn from the disharmony and disruption it’s creating. If I’m busy being preoccupied with anger while I run, I’m less present and in more danger. That’s just silly.

One lesson I see is it’s very easy to create division when we’re scared. We want our fear to have a clear source, something we can point at, avoid, and thus feel safe from. This seems to work in the short term. I can blame the other party, religion, or neighbor and feel safe for now, but the longer term problem of how to eradicate them from my life is much harder to solve. Mainly because the ‘other side’ belongs here just as much as I do.

In my experience, taking the time and effort to understand what they’re thinking and feeling, to the point of gaining their perspective, of ‘standing in their shoes’ usually calms my dislike and helps me move through the situation in an even better way than I was able to before. At minimum, I’m not running scared, and even better I notice I tend to grow from the understanding: my perspective evolves and usually, my life improves. I flow through the situation with more ease. In the best cases, when we’re all open to understanding each other, we take the combined understanding and create something even better than any of us could have done separately. Synergy is real.

All that is required for me to do my part is respect and desire: respecting others as the vastly intelligent beings that we all are, and the desire to evolve my experience with the richness of their perspectives. This seems like such a big ask these days. But I’m hoping that despite what the media tells us, this is actually what we all want. What we all know. That this is actually who we all (still) are. Respectful. Willing to evolve.

I don’t know why we choose to go so far down the road of division that we rant and rave and even go to war.
I hope we’re learning whatever it is that we want to learn.
Meanwhile, I’ll keep doing my best to breathe and respect all ‘others.’

“Do not wrong or hate your neighbor, for it is not him that you wrong, you wrong yourself.”
– Thomas Wildcat Alford, Shawnee (Native American)