awareness

Quitting Addiction: Identify the Needs Your Addiction Fills

We have addictions, unhealthy habits, because we’re filling needs. I eat sugar to feel loved!

If we want to quit an addiction, we first need to understand that addictions aren’t random. They don’t just descend on us by accident. We have them for a reason (or three).

One of the things I do in life is help people create habits, meditation habits, and I realized pretty quickly that habits and addictions are basically the same thing. Only, a habit is something we like (we view as healthy), and an addiction is something we don’t like (we view as unhealthy). All habits give us things, which is why we do them. So, if you’re working with a habit you’d like to stop, like my sugar addiction, one of the things to think about is what do you get from your habit?

Like for me, yes, I get a cookie (Yay!), and I also get an emotional satisfaction, of feeling loved. Or it could also be a physical satisfaction or a mental satisfaction. But there’s something I’m getting when I follow through with that addiction, when I eat the cookie. There’s something that I get from that action.

Understand that the reason that you have this addiction, the reason you keep doing this thing, is to get that feeling, to be in that state; to have that mental, emotional, physical experience. If you’re trying to stop that addiction, or change that addiction, or reduce that addiction, one of the things you need to do is figure out how can you give yourself that state, that mental, emotional, physical ‘whatever it is’ in a healthy way.

That’s really important to feel into. Imagine you’re doing your addiction. What’s the feeling you get? Is it a physical sensation? An emotional sensation? A mental high? What is it? It might be all those things!

In my case it’s feeling loved. It’s feeling hugged. It’s feeling warm and beautiful inside. How can I give myself that state in a different way?
Because if I just stop eating sugar, if you just stop doing whatever it is you’re doing, that’s fine. I can not eat the cookie, but I’m still going to crave that feeling. Every time I stop sugar, if I’m not replacing it with that thing, I will go through this cycle over and over and over and over… It’s never ending. Until I figure out what the replacement is, and I do that. Maybe I go hug my husband, or I find a dog to love. Something that gives me this feeling of love, and joy, and comfort, and warmth, and hug, and all of these things.

This is the key to changing your addiction, to stopping your addiction:
First, figure out what it’s giving you. What feeling or state are you getting from it?
Then, what can you replace it with that gives you that same state, that’s healthy?
Do that.
Go hug someone.
Make that a habit.

I hope that helps.

Awakening Thru Yoga 3: Expanding Subtle Energies

We’re going to work with a more subtle awareness and bring our attention to the energies flowing through us.

Expansiveness and flow increase when we invite a higher volume of subtle energy into our bodies. Experience this subtle power in a simple round of Sun Salutations, awakening deeper to the energies that flow through you in every moment.

How to Get Better at Mindfulness

If your goal for mindfulness practice is to be more mindful (present, aware, conscious), then the first thing to remember is that good or bad practice isn’t defined by how calm your mind or emotions are.

What?!

I know. Most of us fall into that trap of thinking a calm mind means we’re having a good practice and a busy mind means bad practice.

It’s tricky because there’s a lot of (mis)information out there that says the goal of mindfulness practice is to calm your mind. And, of course, then you naturally think that should be calming your mind when you practice. Calm mind = good practice. Busy mind = bad practice.

Frankly, it’d just not true. The goal is awareness. Not a calm mind.  (Realize: Your mind can be totally crazy and you can be aware of it.)

Then it get’s even trickier!:
One of the side effects of mindfulness practice is a calm mind. And the more we practice, the more it happens.

AND it’s so enjoyable when it happens that we can start to make it the goal.

The problem is that it’s an unreachable goal, so if you start to make it your goal you will fail. Why? Because it’s your mind creating this as a goal. Your mind thinks it wants to calm itself, and this is a thought. The mind cannot calm thoughts with more thoughts. It’s sort of like fire trying to put itself out with more fire. Yikes.

What does work is to notice your thoughts, notice “I’m thinking.” By noticing your thoughts, you stop adding to them, you stop fueling the fire and it naturally calms down. This is because the part of you that notices your thoughts is actually larger than, or outside of, your mind. By practicing observing your mind you learn to naturally step outside of it into this bigger part of you. When you step out, you stop adding fuel: you take your foot off of the gas. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, rest assured that you do this all of the time without realizing it. Stepping into observation or witness mode is natural, you just don’t realize that’s what you’re doing. That’s why we practice this on purpose when we meditate – so that become aware when we’re doing it. Easy.)

This is how you get better at mindfulness: Simply, practice noticing whatever is happening.

Noticing a crazy mind is just as good as noticing a calm mind. The point isn’t to attain calm. The point is to get better and better at noticing, to be more and more aware, more and more conscious of whatever is happening. If you notice that your mind gets calm while you do this, great. If you notice that it gets even more crazy, great. You’re noticing. That’s good practice.

So, notice your crazy thoughts and emotions. Practice being aware of them. Come back to that over and over.  You will get better just by doing it. That’s how you make your practice better. Notice.

You will improve. 100% guaranteed.

Shoulder Love, 10min Yoga Practice

(video: 10:06; I’ve added subtitles to compensate for the microphone.)

Shoulders up around your ears more often than you’d like? Do you frequently find yourself hunched forward over your computer? Painful? Sore? Stiff?

These poor posture habits can be changed with a little awareness.
This 10-minute yoga practice will bring your attention to your shoulders, soften and gently stretch them. Feels great and the focus on your shoulders is an awareness you can bring into your day to help you change your habits!

You can do this practice at different times for different goals: in the morning to start you say with this awareness, or midday as a wonderful rejuvenating pause, or at the end to gently wind down and release tension.

However you use it, let it help you bring awareness to how you’re sitting at your desk, standing and moving through life. With this growing awareness, you can choose to relax and relieve your shoulder muscles. Overtime, your shoulders will be where they’re serving you best: in a neutral, relaxed position, ready to move in any direction with ease and power!

Enjoy!

Does Mindfulness Help?

(video 3:30m) If Mindfulness Meditation doesn’t take away the things that are bothering me, how does it help? How does noticing what’s bothering me benefit me? I already know how bothered I am! How is paying attention to it going to make things better?

Great questions! Glad you asked.

It does seems counter-intuitive to do something that not only doesn’t fix the bad things, it has you pay attention to them more! The difference is really about perspective or point of view… normally, when we’re realizing that we feel terrible, we’re in the middle of it. We’re believing the thoughts and emotions that we’re having and we think and feel as if they are our whole reality. We’ve forgotten that actually they’re just thoughts and emotions and that they come and go.

Mindfulness offers us another place to notice from, a place that we have access to at all times if we care to be in it – that part of us that is simply aware that we’re here doing what ever we’re doing (thinking and feeling). It’s simply to notice from that state of mind that is always here, available, that can notice what we’re thinking and feeling.

It’s so simple that it is easy to miss. You can access it right now by noticing where you are physically. Notice that you (in your body) are standing or sitting or lying down where ever you are. Notice that you are there and not say, in Paris (unless of course you are and then notice that you’re in Paris and not in London.) That part of you that just noticed that simple fact is the part we’re using in mindfulness.

If you start thinking or feeling things about the place that you’re in, say that you really like the temperature, there’s a part of you that can notice that you’re thinking. There’s a part that can say, “This is me having the thought that I like the temperature.” That’s it. That’s the part of you that we’re accessing. Super simple.

So how does accessing that part help? Well, imagine that you’re really upset about something. Your heart is racing, you’re breathing fast, you’re looking around for someone or something to yell at… you’re in the middle of emotion. What if you could in that moment access that part of you that can say, “Hey, this is me feeling really upset. Wow. This is big! I’m REALLY upset!”

Right in that moment, you have just given yourself a tiny bit of room from the emotion. You’re still feeling it and you’re also aware that it’s not your whole reality. Suddenly, you have choices. “Hm. I wonder what I want to do with this feeling? Do I want to yell at the person in front of me? Or do I want to let them know I’m super upset and need to go outside and vent for a few minutes?”

See how that works?

Yes, it takes practice and commitment to keep practicing, and if you like it it can change your life. In the beginning you might just get to watch yourself yell at the person, which is pretty painful. “Wow, this is me yelling at this person and being a complete jerk. Ouch.” And slowly, we get better and better at being in the mindful place even during stress, and our ability to choose what to do (vs just yelling) gets stronger and stronger.

Enjoy being mindful.

(p.s. If you’re interested, practicing this state actually causes measurable changes in the brain according to studies. Psychologists call it “self-regulation” and neurologists have found that the related part of the brain grows in size. Look for Dr Sara Lazar’s studies on my Links page.)

Sun Saltuation de L’ile de Re

(video 3:46min) And now for something different…

This summer, I had the pleasure of sharing yoga with several lovely humans new to it. Over the course of the week, we slowly built up to doing a Sun Salutation…  and here it is.

Note on breathing: There are many, many schools of thought in yoga on how to breathe. For me, the most important part is that you connect your breathing with your movements, meaning that you time your movements to your breath. Whether you’re breathing in or out during a certain movement isn’t as important as that the movement starts when your breath starts. As you begin to breathe in (or out) you begin a movement. Then as you begin to breathe out (or in) you begin the next movement.

Enjoy breathing as you move! :)

How to Calm Your Mind, Part 1

(video: 9:44min) “I can’t stop thinking!” is the number 1 complaint I hear when people start practicing mindfulness.

We’re stressed! We want the madness to stop! Doesn’t mindfulness help us calm our minds and let go of thoughts?!

Well yes, and no… Mindfulness helps you change your relationship with your thoughts. It does NOT make them go away. This new relationship is less stressful and more calm.

For most of us, this new relationship takes a bit of explanation to understand. Most instructors know it’s actually more comprehensive for you to experience it than try to explain it to you… which means that before you experience it you’re confused about your goal during practice. You think you’re supposed to stop thinking.

 

So what are you supposed to be doing? And how will it help? Here are two videos to help you unravel this mystery.

Mindfulness Practice: Simple Breath

MME Album Art(5:35min) A simple breath practice to play with… a great place to start and a wonderful practice to keep.

Mindfulness Practice: Simple Breath

    1.  Begin by getting into position, whatever position works best for your body. The best position is one that is comfortable for you. If you use the same position every time, it will become your body-mind’s signal that you are starting a practice.

I suggest the following:

Sit on a chair (sofa, bed, etc) with your feet flat on the floor.

Rest your hands, palms down, on your thighs.  Don’t prop yourself up or pull yourself forward with your hands.

Feel your sit bones pressing down into the chair.

Float the crown of your head up so that it gently lifts your torso. Let your spine gently align, your shoulders relax and your chest open. This position allows you to breathe easily.

Let the back of your neck be long, and your chin parallel to the floor. This keeps your neck in a healthy, neutral position.

Let your back body be gently firm to keep you upright.

Let your front body be soft. Relax you belly, chest and face. Relax your jaw and tongue. Relax your eyes.

Close your eyes.

 2. Bring your attention to your breath. Notice how it feels to breathe. Keep most of your attention on the feeling of breathing.

3. Let everything else float by in the background. Let thoughts, emotions and physical sensations float by in the background like passing clouds.

4. If you find that your attention has become absorbed in your thoughts (emotions or sensations) to the point that you are no longer noticing your breath, simply let the thought go. Let it float away like a balloon. Then kindly and gently bring your attention back to your breath and start a fresh. You can have an infinite number of fresh starts, so you can relax about this.

5. End the practice when you feel ready or when your timer rings by gently opening your eyes.

Be kind and gentle, remembering that noticing that your thoughts is an important part of the practice.

 

To Download:

Click on the Download button below.

If it does not download automatically:

  1. A new window will open with an audio player (like the player above).
  2. Right click on the player and choose “Download File” or “Download Video”
  3. iPhone users will want to first copy the meditation into iTunes (on your computer) and then sync with your iPhone.

Note that you are welcome to download and share this files as many times as you like provided you do so in it’s entirety and it is used for personal or educational use only (no commercial uses).

 

Meditation Practice: Walking With Awareness

MME Album Art(8:34min) Want to bring mindfulness into your daily life? One way to do that is to walk mindfully. Most of us walk at least some every day, to the front door, to the coffee machine, the elevator, the bathroom, across the street, etc. This meditation helps you bring mindfulness into your daily life by practicing walking mindfully, noticing every step. Begin by practicing in a quiet place, getting used to it, creating a new habit and then begin taking a few mindful steps every day. You could pick a daily walk, like walking to the bathroom or your car, and take 3 mindful steps every day when you do that. When that is easy, do 5 and then 7 and so on. Soon you will be taking the whole walk mindfully and noticing how this simple exercise affects other parts of your day as well.

Meditation Practice: Walking with Awareness

  1. Start standing in a quiet space where you can walk at least 10 paces in a line or a circle.
  2. Close your eyes and notice your breathing for a few breaths.
  3. Shift your attention to your feet and feel the sensation of your natural body weight pressing down into the floor.
  4. Slowly shift your weight to one foot, feeling the sensations in your feet as your weight shifts.
  5. Slowly lift your other foot, place it in front of you and slowly begin shifting your weight onto your front foot feeling the sensations in your feet as you move.
  6. Continue walking slowly, feeling the sensations in your feet.
  7. If you notice that you have become lost in thought, pause and stop moving. Close your eyes and find your breath again. Bring your attention to your feet again and when you’re ready, open your eyes and begin again walking slowly.
  8. When you get to the end of your space, slowly turn around, feeling the sensations in your feet as you do so and go back to the start. Continue on your line or circle until you feel complete or your practice bells rings to tell you your time is finished.

Be kind and gentle, remembering that noticing that your thoughts is an important part of the practice.

 

To Download:

Click on the Download button below.

If it does not download automatically:

  1. A new window will open with an audio player (like the player above).
  2. Right click on the player and choose “Download File” or “Download Video”
  3. iPhone users will want to first copy the meditation into iTunes (on your computer) and then sync with your iPhone.

Note that you are welcome to download and share this files as many times as you like provided you do so in it’s entirety and it is used for personal or educational uses only (no commercial uses).