(Video: 4:40min) This is a very quick, body based practice that I do when I’m super stressed and want to regain equilibrium.
This is part of a much deeper practice that I learned from Will Johnson’s wonderful book, Aligned, Relaxed & Resilient. This version is simple enough to do in crisis.
First, inhale and let the breath softly lift your body up straight and tall. Second, exhale and let the body melt and relax into this gently upright position. Let the body slowly align itself, gently lifting and relaxing with each breath.
This is a great meditation practice to do at any time, and works best during crisis if you teach yourself how to do it first when you’re not stressed… Then in crisis you already know how it works and it’s just a simple matter of doing it.
(Video: 4:55min) Equal breathing is simply making your out-breath the same length as your in-breath. You don’t need to change anything about the speed or depth of your breath, simply notice how ever you are breathing and play with making your out-breath match your in-breath.
This is a great way to give yourself something simple to focus on besides whatever you’re upset about. The point isn’t to ignore the situation, the point is to help you stay engaged and calm down a bit at the same time.
Maybe you are having a fight with your partner. If you take a moment to focus on how you are breathing for a few breaths, you stay engaged in the situation and allow yourself the space to calm down a bit.
If you are a new meditator, you will be giving yourself a few seconds of focusing on something else within the situation that isn’t so upsetting, your breath. This will give you some perspective within the situation, you will immediately remember that there are other things going on within this situation, and you will start calming down. “My partner is yelling at me, and hey! I’m breathing!” A few breaths later, you will be a bit calmer and the situation won’t seem so overwhelming. If it does, focus on your breath a few more seconds, check back and keep repeating until you feel calmer.
If you have been meditating a while, you will be able to focus on your breath while focusing on what is upsetting you (at the same time). “My partner is yelling at me, and I’m also breathing really quickly.” Breathe into the situation. Listen to them and notice your breath as you listen attentively. Put part of them and part of your attention on your breath. Listen to them as you breathe in and listen to them as you breathe out. Notice that as you do this the situation gets less overwhelming.
Why? One reason is that focusing on breath helps you remember that whatever is happening is only one part of your reality, it isn’t all of your reality… there is this upsetting thing AND there are other things as well (breathing for instance). “I feel really upset AND I am breathing. Ah! There are other things going on in my world than being upset. There are other things in my life than this situation. There are other parts of my life.” Now that you have regained the perspective that there are many things in your reality, you can chose solutions from other parts of your life. You can bring in solutions and creative thinking that are not based in being upset right now. Now you have choices… do I put all of my energy and focus into being upset or do I put some of my focus and energy into thinking of solutions and feeling the different ways that I feel about this person/situation?
(Video: 4:35min) When we’re really stressed our nervous system goes into ‘fight or flight’ mode & we start breathing fast & shallow. One nice way to help our system relax is to deepen our breathing.
If I’m really stressed, I can’t do that. I’m too overwhelmed to change my breathing. I will usually take a mindful breath , observing my (fast!) breathing & then when I’m a bit calmer I can play with my breath.
Progressive breathing starts with noticing my breath as it is and then inviting the next breath to be just a little bit longer & deeper. Just a tiny bit. I invite the next breath to again, be a tiny bit longer and I keep doing that bit by bit, until I’m taking much deeper breaths.
With this simple, subtle method, I gently encourage my nervous system to settle down pretty quickly.
Try it out & get good at it when you’re calm so that you already know how to do it when stress hits. As one client said, ‘build your parachute before you jump.’
(video 2:33 min) Taking one deep breath can help the body release stress during crisis. It’s a great way to release the pressure, a sigh of relief.
During crisis, I take one deep breath and use the exhale to literally blow out the stress. One deep breath works better for me than taking a series of deep breaths, because a series can feel like I’m forcing change in the middle of an already stressful situation… It’s just too much. One small change has a big impact. Trying to make lots of change gets overwhelming.
One deeper breath feels so good these days that my body almost does this automatically!
(Video: 3:45 min) I spent some quality time this summer understanding what helps me when I’m really stressed.
This is the first in a series on what worked during those crisis moments. These tools are what I used when I needed to do something to gain composure versus blowup or meltdown.
This first one, a mindful breath, is a great tool for giving me some perspective without requiring too much of my already overtaxed system.
Americans like to call this putting your foot in your mouth. Sometimes I put my whole leg in! Open mouth, insert leg. Yikes!
One of the beauties of meditation is that I don’t do this so often anymore. Meditation helps me be more aware of what I’m thinking and feeling… so that I have a moment to decide whether to say something before it pops out of my mouth.
Instead of being lost in my thoughts or overwhelmed by my feelings, I cultivate a perspective (called presence) that lets me see the difference between me and them. I stay aware that I am bigger than my thoughts. I am like a container for them. They are still very much here in me, they are just a PART of me versus taking over me.
This subtle and powerful change in perspective makes all the difference.
I do not get so overwhelmed because they do not fill my entire world. I do not get so lost in them because I see the whole map now.
Make sense? Probably not. If you are like most people this is at best a crazy sounding conceptual theory that doesn’t realate to your experience of reality. I clearly remember thinking this myself. “What the heck does that mean, ‘I am not my thoughts’?
So, how to go from wacky sounding theory to part of your reality?
Experience it yourself!
Below is a practice to help you experience this with sensation, the easiest of the three (thoughts, emotions, sensations). You will happily discover that you do this already (you are present quite often), quite naturally… And now you know how to cultivate it.
Note that if this is the first time you’ve experienced meditation, this isn’t the easiest place to start! I recommend starting with something simple to get the mechanics down first like 3 Breaths.
Happy sensing!
Mindfulness Practice:Sensational Awareness
Start by becoming present to the location you are in: look around at what you can see right now.
Close your eyes and gently shift your attention to your breathing. Notice your breath moving in and out of your body right now. Be curious about your breath. “How am I breathing right now?”
Find a place in your body that has a strong sensation to focus on. Often it is easiest to feel a place that is painful or stiff, or chose a place that feels very fluid and nice. Anywhere is fine, as long as there is sensation that is easy to feel there.
Shift your attention away from your breath and to the area you have chosen with the strong sensation.
Remembering that you are the one feeling the sensation (“I am feeling/sensing.”), be curious about the qualities of the sensation. Notice as much as you can about how it feels. (You can notice qualities like: big/small, intense/soft, rough/smooth, sharp/dull, pulsing/constant, dense/open, etc.)
As much as you can feel it and don’t go into the story about why you are sensing it. Cultivate being curious about feeling the sensations versus thinking about why you feel this way and what you can do to avoid (or repeat) it in the future.
When you feel complete, shift your attention back to your breath. Notice your breath moving in and out of your body.
When you’re ready, open your eyes to end the practice, noticing the space that you’re in right now.
When your mind wanders, as it inevitably will, gently bring it back first to presence by noticing your breath and the quiet between thoughts, and then re-focus on the heart of the practice.
To Download:
Click on the Download button below.
If it does not download automatically:
A new window will open with an audio player (like the player above).
Right click on the player and choose “Download File” or “Download Video”
iPhone users will want to first copy the meditation into iTunes (on your computer) and then sync with your iPhone.
Note that you are welcome to download and share this files as many times as you like provided you do so in it’s entirety and it is used for personal or educational use only (no commercial uses).
(5:55) I use this practice A LOT. It is one of the most powerful meditation tools that I have. Whenever something is screaming for my attention, whenever a sensation, emotion or thought is taking over (overwhelm!), I use this practice to help me embrace it. By turning my attention to it, becoming fully present to it, I can integrate it into myself – and the overwhelm subsides because it has my attention!
Sometimes it takes multiple sits to fully integrate if it is something big… so don’t be discouraged if it takes a few times. Most things integrate fairly quickly and some things I’ve been working with for years! :)
This practice works best if you have some experience with meditation, especially with being present or focusing your attention on something that is happening right now (like your breathing, your physical sensations, what you can hear or see, etc).
Mindfulness Practice:Emotional Awareness
Notice that something is bothering you or wants your attention.
Start to create awareness of yourself, presence, or space by (closing your eyes and) first focusing on your breathing. “How am I breathing right now?”
Once you are aware of yourself breathing, once you are present, notice what you are feeling and feel it as fully as you are able. If you feel “nothing” notice that as fully as you are able.
As much as you can, just feel what the feeling feels like. Feel with out naming the feeling or going into the stories around the feeling. Focus on feeling the feeling versus on understanding the feeling.
As much as you can maintain your awareness that you are the one feeling the feeling. “I am feeling this right now.” Maintain your awareness that YOU are feeling a feeling. Maintain the perspective that you are feeling vs getting lost in the feelings (and forgetting the perspective of YOU doing the feeling).
If you start to feel overwhelmed by the feeling, give yourself a break and shift your attention to your breath. You can either return to noticing the feeling or decide that you need help navigating this one. Get help if you want it from friends, coaches or therapists.
When you are ready to end move your focus back to your breath for a few breaths and then open your eyes if they are closed.
When your mind wanders, as it inevitably will, gently bring it back first to presence by noticing your breath and the quiet between thoughts, and then re-focus on the heart of the practice.
To Download:
Click on the Download button below.
If it does not download automatically:
A new window will open with an audio player (like the player above).
Right click on the player and choose “Download File” or “Download Video”
iPhone users will want to first copy the meditation into iTunes (on your computer) and then sync with your iPhone.
Note that you are welcome to download and share this files as many times as you like provided you do so in it’s entirety and it is used for personal or educational uses only (no commercial uses).
(4:01) Why are you practicing mindfulness? Do you want to be less stressed, more focused or have better relationships? Maybe you want to sleep better?
And is mindfulness helping you with this? Are you getting better? How do you know?
Sometimes the answer to these questions are obvious, especially if we’ve been practicing mindfulness for a while and we can see lots of change over time. Sometimes it is less clear if our practice is helping or not.
If you aren’t sure, there are a few simple things that you can do… First, it helps to get clear about your motivation: why are you doing it? Get clear about what you want to improve.
Second, identify something about it that you can measure over time. For instance, if you want less stress, pick something that stresses you like every time you get a new project at work, and notice if your stress reduces over time. You can do something like give yourself a number from 1 to 10 each time it happens, write it down, and see if your number goes up or down overtime (from 1= not stressed to 10= really stressed) .
If you see positive change, you’ll be motivated to keep practicing! If not, then think about doing something different than mindfulness to address your issue or consider adjusting your mindfulness practice to suit you better. I specialize tailoring practices to suit individuals, so check other videos or email me for suggestions!
(5:22) I like to use this mindfulness practice when I am out in the world and I want to play… play with balance and play with getting calm and clear.
It is a standing practice, which makes it good fun in elevators, on escalators or standing waiting for the train or the light to change.
It can also be done sitting, which is perfect for getting calm and clear at my desk or in meetings!
Mindfulness Practice: Where Is My Center? (Standing or Sitting)
Start by becoming present: bring your attention into the space you’re in by looking at what you can see right now.
Close your eyes, or lower them so they are 3/4 closed, and gently shift your attention to your breathing. Notice your breath moving in and out of your body right now. Be curious about your breath. “How am I breathing right now?”
Shift your attention to your feet and notice the natural weight of your body pressing down.
Begin to notice if your weight is more on one foot than the other. With small, subtle movements, rock from side to side to feel where your weight is, and find the place in the middle where your weight is evenly distributed between both feet.
Now notice the fronts and back of your feet, the balls of your toes and your heels, and notice where you weight is from front to back. With small subtle movements, rock forwards and backwards and find the place where your weight is evenly distributed front to back.
Notice how it feels to be standing with your weight evenly distributed from side to side and front to back.
Begin to end by shifting your attention back to your breath, noticing it moving in and out of your body.
When you’re ready to end, open your eyes noticing the space that you’re in right now.
When your mind wanders, as it inevitably will, gently bring it back first to presence by noticing your breath and the quiet between thoughts, and then re-focus on the heart of the practice.
To Download:
Click on the Download button below.
If it does not download automatically:
A new window will open with an audio player (like the player above).
Right click on the player and choose “Download File” or “Download Video”
iPhone users will want to first copy the meditation into iTunes (on your computer) and then sync with your iPhone.
Note that you are welcome to download and share this files as many times as you like provided you do so in it’s entirety and it is used for personal or educational uses only (no commercial uses).
(5:16) Myth: When you meditate you should clear your mind of thoughts.
Myth busted: Ouch! This is not my experience at all. 11 years of practice later, I still think a lot when meditating!
If you’re alive, your heart will beat & your mind will think… Even when you’re meditating! Congratulations, you’re alive! This is great news! :)
So what does happen to our thoughts when we meditate?
We learn to have perspective on our thoughts. It’s called presence.
This perspective helps us stay grounded in reality vs getting lost in our thoughts.
How is that relaxing? When we have this perspective (vs getting lost in a single stream of thoughts) we have access to lots of ideas, information & input. We have options vs getting stuck in old thought patterns & outdated ideas. We have access to lots of ideas (& feelings & sensations, etc). We can see what makes the most sense vs just the first thing that popped in. We can be clear about what is actually going on, which makes for a much saner and calmer mind.
This is how the mind is ‘clear’. You’re not clear of thoughts, you’re clear in your thoughts.
Want help maintaining this clarity for yourself? Contact me for your private Skype sessions.
(meditation: 8:51 min)