Getting Out of Your Head and Into Your Heart

getting out of your head and into your heart{This article first appeared here, on CoSozo.com, Tues, 1 July 2014.}

For the last decade people have been telling me that I live too much in my head and that I should live more in my heart. That idea of going from my head to my heart was really confusing at first. I thought people were suggesting that I stop thinking and focus only on my emotions, or suddenly fall in love with everything and everyone. That all seemed pretty difficult to do, and thankfully as I began to figure out this head to heart business, I realized that none of that had to happen.

To my great relief, it’s just a simple shift of focus.

Thinking, Thinking, Thinking

If you’re like most people, you spend a lot of time thinking: thinking about what has happened in the past and what will happen in the future. All day, every day, you’re doing pretty much the same thing: living in your head.

This is such an ingrained habit that most of us don’t even realize that there is anything else that we could be doing.

The thing about always thinking about the past and the future is that we miss what’s actually happening right now, where we actually live. We’re so busy paying attention to the past and future that we miss the present, where the action is going on, where the juice is, where all the things that we’re thinking about really exist, where life is really happening.

What do I mean when I say that we’re not really here?

An Experiment in Living

Try this little experiment and see what you can discover for yourself.

Stop for a moment and notice your body. Notice little things like your feet or thighs pressing down onto the ground or seat. Notice how the fabric of your clothing feels on your legs, your belly, your back, your shoulders, your arms. Notice as many sensations as you can: air moving over your skin, tension and softness in your muscles… anything and everything you can feel.

Pay attention to how long you can notice your sensations before going off into stories about them. How long before a twinge in your knee sends you thinking about how far you ran yesterday, and did you remember to start the washing machine after your run, and don’t forget to buy more laundry detergent, and did you put that on the grocery list? And you keep going, on and on, one thought after another, until pretty soon you’ve totally forgotten that you’re sitting there because your mind is somewhere else!

We miss a lot, because we spend so much of our time thinking about living and so little of our time actually focusing on living as it’s happening. We’ve all had those timeless moments where we really noticed the full depth of the moment: rocking a baby, at the crest of a high dive, taking in a fantastic view, looking deeply into the eyes of a lover… These are those moments when we get a glimpse of what we’re missing, a glimpse of being fully aware of what’s happening in the moment, the richness and depth of living.

Shifting From Head to Heart

The nice thing is that this is really simple to change.All that is needed is to shift your attention to where you are and what’s happening here. The challenge is that your habit of thinking is probably pretty strong, so you will need to keep re-focusing your attention on what’s happening until this new habit is formed.

Another nice thing is that there are lots of things that you can do to facilitate this new habit. Focusing on the body moving through space is often a good practice because the body is always doing something right here and right now. Anytime you want to shift your focus to living your life, check out what your body is doing. Notice where your body is contacting the ground or chair or bed. Notice what that feels like and immediately you are focused on living your life as it’s happening.

As I got out of my head and dropped into my heart, into myself, an amazing thing started to happen. I started to slowly notice how deep my inner landscape is, and how rich and full life is when I can actually be here in it. Everything is much more pleasurable. Now, I spend all day, every day doing pretty much the same thing: practicing this awareness of my life as it’s happening. When I realize I’m lost in my head, I simply shift my focus back into my self, where the juice is, where it’s all happening, where I live my life.

This process could really be called moving from Head to Self.

Head to Heart just sounds a lot sexier.

Elena has been practicing awareness since 2005 and has recorded seven of her favorite practices at www.ToothbrushMeditations.com. They’re quick and easy, 10-second meditations, that you can do anywhere and anytime you want to focus on living your life.

Learning to Love Myself – Step 1

learning to love myselfI’m teaching myself to love myself. Actually, I’m sort of conning myself into it by constantly telling myself that I love myself. Several people have suggested this as a way to rewire the brain and the subconscious. Matt Kahn gives a pretty compelling argument here as does Kamal Ravikant in his book, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It. I am beginning to realize that it does. At least a happy life does.

The first time I listened to the Matt Kahn video many months ago, I foolishly decided to try out repeating “I love myself” on a long training run. There I am running along in a beautiful country park, telling this to myself, and suddenly I start feeling terrible. I didn’t make any connection between the phrase and the discomfort, so I keep repeating “I love you” and just slow my pace down a bit. I feel worse and worse until finally I have to stop running, because I feel like I’m going to vomit. I’m standing there, looking down at a beautiful reservoir, doubled over in pain and I realize that actually there is nothing wrong with my physical body. I am just feeling nausious, not actually physically sick. The light turns on.

Saying this one little phrase to myself over and over dredged up a lot of crud. I walked a lot that day, and did a lot of clearing. Lots of breathing out nastiness and letting go. I didn’t think about the practice much after that until recently when I read the book by Ravikant.

I’ve decide this time to stick with the practice until I have it wired into my brain, until it is the new default thought loop that plays over and over in my head. It is a lot better than all of the other things that are in here!

As I’m getting into it things are changing, of course. Yesterday, I started realizing that I don’t generally know what I want. Like pretty much EVER.

That’s a stunning realization.

No vomiting yet.

 

What kind of meditation should I do?

Trail MarkerWant to learn to meditate? Not sure where to begin? After 10 years of practicing and 4 years of teaching here are my suggestions. 

Most people are surprised when I tell them I quit meditating after two weeks of trying. I made a big mistake. I like to move, and for some odd-ball reason I decided to sit still and focus on my breath. I was terrible at it. I gave up in frustration, and it wasn’t until I was introduced to moving meditation a few days later that I began to discover how amazing it can be.

Now, I consider meditation my main power tool, my absolute best tool for transformation. It is with out doubt the single best thing that I do to realize the joy of being human. It’s that useful.

First, what is meditation?

For me, “meditation” refers to two main things: meditative practices and meditative states.

Simply, the practices are things you do to achieve the physical, mental, emotional, energetic and spiritual states.

There are thousands of practices, each suiting different kinds of people, and just as many states, each depending the skill level and goals of the practitioner.

Second, let’s look at the different kinds of practices.

I like to define each practice by what it focuses on. Almost all practices focus on breath, and then fold in an additional focus like a mantra (a word or words you repeat), an external object (a candle, an image of a flower, etc), mental visualizations (imagining yourself at relaxing places like the beach for instance), or  your movements (for moving meditations).

So, a really important question for you to answer is, what you would like to focus on?

Are you auditory and would enjoy saying/singing a word or phrase? Are you visual and prefer looking at things?  Do you have a strong imagination and enjoy visualizing?  Are you kinesthetic and like feeling the sensation of your body moving? Or do you want a combination of several of these things?

When you’re searching for a meditation to learn, look at different practices and determine the focus(es) of each. Then decide which one is most likely to naturally capture your attention. Decide what would you enjoy focusing on.

In the beginning, usually most challenging thing is the act of focusing at all, no matter what you choose to focus on. This is why it’s important to choose something that naturally captures your attention, something that you enjoy focusing on. Be kind to yourself and choose something you want to pay attention to!

There is a meditation out there that will interest you: singers can sing, poets can speak, painters can gaze, dreamers can dream, dancers can dance, etc. Find the artist in you and play. If you find the idea of play uninspiring, you just might be one of the few people who would enjoy starting out with a silent, sitting practice that focuses solely on your breath. Go for it!

Whatever it is, you can imagine that if you start by focusing on something that you like paying attention to, focusing will be that much easier. 

Country ParkThird, let’s think about the states you want to achieve.

There’re a wide range of goals to go for, all the way from stress reduction to uncovering divinity. Meditation has it’s roots in the metaphysical exploration of reality, and in the modern world you have the option of going as deep – or not – as you like. You can simply meditate for 3 breaths to lower your cortizol levels or you can spend the rest of your life in a cave realizing your divinity. It’s all being offered, so you’ll want to decide where on the continuum to start your exploration.

You can’t tell the goal of a practice by how it’s done, by the physical mechanics of it. That 3 breath stress reduction meditation can be the exact same practice used in the cave. The difference is in the intention. The intention will change how the practice is talked about, the words used in the instructions and most importantly where the practitioner is willing to go with it. The stress reduction practitioner doesn’t pay attention to the deeper effects, doesn’t cultivate them, and thus may not allow the practice to draw her deeper into herself. The cave dweller does those same 3 breaths, relaxes and pays attention to the ever subtler layers of subterranean information welling up inside her. Same physical practice, different intentions.

When you’re looking at a practice and wanting to determine its goal, notice how the practice is being talked about, what words are being used and what outcomes are listed. If the description doesn’t make the intention clear enough for you, read through the instructions themselves to see if they resonate for you. You can also look for the intention of whomever is presenting it by checking out the site it’s posted on,  reading more of the book it’s in, or asking the instructor.

Fourth, how do you stay motivated to meditate?

You can learn meditation from a book, an article, a video, an online course, an in-person course, etc, etc, etc. If you start searching online you’ll find many many practices that you can study.

Many people find it really motivating to do things with other people, so establishing your practice by doing it with others can be really beneficial. In the beginning, I recommend taking a class with other students and a live teacher (on or off-line). This is a great way to get any questions answered, discuss your experiences and get encouraged by other students, as well as helping you create a habit over time – at least for the length of the course! Alternately, you ask people if they want to be practice partners and meet regularly to do the practices in person or on-line or  exchange emails or texts regularly about your practices.

There are online courses available with live teachers and discussion forums where you can share your experiences and questions with other students. If you want to learn in person, look around and see what’s available in your area and go with the one that feels the best, i.e. you like
the people and the setting, which will translate into the most supportive environment for you.

DaVinci

Finally, transformation…

What ever meditation you choose, give your practice a bit of time, a chance to succeed.  In the beginning, even simple things like breathing can feel like a challenge! Like most things, it get’s easier with practice, so be patient.

These disciplines are life changing and will likely shake some things up for you. Find a trusted friend that’s willing to listen, or journal when you need to reflect on what’s happening for you.

Meditation is a power tool for transformation. At first you may feel like a two pound weakling wielding a sledge hammer. Be patient. Soon you’ll uncover your inner Da Vinci.

Enjoy your practice.

Toothbrush Meditations!

Toothbrush Meditations Power Tools for Relaxation

Hi guys!,

I’ve been busy! I’ve just launched the Toothbrush Meditations… 10 second meditations that you can do whenever you’re feeling stressed. They help you relax instantly, while you’re being productive doing other things, you  do a 10 second meditation and Voila!

They are a meditations that I’ve been doing for years… I wanted techniques that I can do anywhere, anytime and these are what I came up with for myself.

About 6 months ago, I decided that they were too good to keep to myself, so I’ve put them in a format that we can all share!

Check them out at ToothbrushMeditations.com.

And please let me know what you think – on the page, the text, as well as the meditations themselves! Your feedback is very, very welcome! If you give me any feedback I’ll send you a free bonus meditation in thanks.

With Joy,
Elena

3 Steps to Empowerment, Step 2: Acceptance

As we become aware of ourselves, our daily thoughts, feelings and actions, then we can start to accept them… most will be easy to accept and some will take a bit of compassion. For some we will want to step out of denial and out of resistance and into compassion, non-judgement and acceptance.
Why might this be useful?
If we want to go from fine to fantastic then we want to accept all of ourselves… step out of denial and resistance of the parts that we feel we don’t like and into acceptance. Then we start to know the truth of how fantastic we already are!
Can you accept all of you?
Some days I’m better than others… I’d love to know what kinds of things you’ve done that helped you to accept parts that were “unacceptable”?
Enjoy,
Elena
theJoyLab.net

3 Steps to Empowerment, Step 1: Awareness

If we want to go from fine to fantastic, we need to be aware of what we’re doing so that we know what to change… what our thoughts, feelings and actions are on a daily basis.

This can be as simple as noticing our body movements for a few minutes, or really noticing our surroundings several times a day. Cultivating awareness can be simple, easy and fun!

And the results are life changing, life affirming and lovely.

I’d enjoy knowing what you have noticed about your self or your environment through your own awareness?

Enjoy,
Elena
theJoyLab.net

 

Stop Taking Spiritual Development So Seriously!

(video) Life is a balance. Not enough focus and our energy is too dilute. Too much focus and we’re constricted and can’t move…

And sometimes it helps to just remember not to take our spiritual development so seriously!
Does it help you to relax in the middle of chaos?
Enjoy,
Elena
theJoyLab.net

Speaking From the Heart: Accepting Emotions 7 Day Challenge

(video) Most of us are uncomfortable with some of our emotions… to the point that we try to deny or ignore them.

It can be challenging to try to feel all of them! Take this 7 day challenge and see for yourself!

Are you comfortable with ALL of your emotions?

Enjoy,
Elena
theJoyLab.net