I can definitely say that I wasn’t when I started meditating! I was all over the place, and as I started to be self-aware enough to see the patterns I was running in my life, I realized that 1.) it was going to take a while to sort out my anger issues! and 2.) it was possible!
Self-awareness starts with training our attention.
First, what we start with in many kinds of meditation is training our attention, which 99% of us have totally lost control over.
I mean that you’re not able to focus on anything for more than a few seconds at a time before your attention wanders away, and you aren’t able to keep it from wandering even if you try.
I totally didn’t believe this at first.
You probably don’t either, so I’m going to give you an example and a simple exercise to test it out for yourself.
— Definitely don’t just believe this craziness! Find out for yourself! —
Eckheart Tolle wrote in The Power of Now about our many paths to consciousness. He calls them portals and reminds us that they’re doors (in)to ourselves.
One of these portals is breath, as is (physical) sensation, intense focus on an object, etc.
I know, for most of us the idea that we’re not our thoughts, emotions and sensations sounds ludicrous at best.
Someone telling you that is either insane or trying to sell you something. Or maybe trying to get you to join something (which is the same thing really).
I mean, for most of us we are our thoughts! That is completely our experience. And saying it’s not is irrational – it’s denying reality!
It’s nuts!
Except that it’s crazy-making, all this stuff in your head, and you want out. Maybe they know something you don’t?
I recommend short practices for all beginners. Short meaning 2-5 minutes per practice. And the inevitable question is, is that effective? Should I practice longer?
The real question here is how long should I practice in order to get the best results?
My answer is, as always, it depends. As soon as you know why you’re practicing, what result you want, then you can answer that question yourself. The tricky bit is getting clear about why you’re practicing…
“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
Lately, I’ve been noticing how helpful it is to be traveling this path of self-development with other people!
Practice In A Group
Today, I had a powerful practice with another person. It’s the kind of practice I do daily, and I had forgotten how powerful it is to practice together… When we’re moving in the same direction together, magic happens. Synergy is a real thing… one plus one is four. :)
Think it’s boring or too tough to fit in regularly?
Here’s a fun way to play with mindfulness: simply bring all of your senses into really enjoying something you like to do.
Like walking your dog? Next time, play with noticing as much as you can on your walk…. What does your dog’s coat look like? The trees or buildings? What else can you see? What can you smell? (What is your dog smelling?!) What’s the temperature? Is there a breeze? Can you feel the sun or the chill in the air? Is there a scent in the wind of the sea or grass or rain or wet pavment? How many birds can you hear? Cars? What funny noises does your dog make as she’s sniffing around?
Bring all of your senses into whatever you like doing and let yourself be there more fully… You’ll enjoy it even more.
And how lovely that this is a great way to practice mindfulness!
Before my first husband and I divorced we were fighting a lot. At some point I decided to bring my mindfulness practice into our fights and that changed everything!
It was slow, to be sure. It took about 6 months before we stopped fighting, and can you imagine how powerful that was to go from daily fights to none?
Honestly, that was one of the things that made me realize just how powerful presence really is!
You can apply this same simple method to any difficult relatives you’re going to be with this holiday season. Hopefully, you don’t fight daily!
Here’s how: when Uncle Joe is saying whatever awful things he says, be really present with him. Instead of focusing on how he’s wrong and what you’re going to say in return, focus on what he’s saying. Really listen to him.
And notice your breathing at the same time.
This will help him feel heard, which is what he really wants anyway, will help you hear and understand him on a deeper level, and most important will help you stay calm. It may take a few sessions like this, and soon you’ll be able to listen and realize that what ever he’s saying says a lot more about him than what ever he’s talking about.
You’ll realize that you don’t need to take his ideas personally. You’ll see that they aren’t yours and you don’t need to be so reactive. Eventually, you might even be able to respond in a calm and rational way, which while may not help him totally, will be a lot better for you both than what you’ve likely been doing which is probably something like fighting with or ignoring him.
